Whispers in the dark
by Arokster67
Summary: Castiel is a over cautious Professor of Cognitive Behavioral Science at Columbia University who is requested by the FBI to aid in a bizarre case full of twist and turns, and Dean Winchester is an ex armed forces turned special agent who has a secret he hopes this overly empathic professor cannot see through too. The two are paired together, Castiel tries to deal with his anxieties
1. Feeling This

He looked up from the file placed on his desk, the FBI seal on the brown file made his jaw clench he stared up at the man before him, taking in the casual attire for what he could only assume was an FBI agent, he opens his mouth about to explain they must have the wrong person.

"Professor Novak" The FBI agent enquired; and his mouth turned into a silent O. He straightens himself up and stares at the man, caught on the southern drawl that had just enquired his name. But it wasn't so much an enquiry as much as a statement. And this bothered him. Why was he here? Who had let him down to his office? His office was situated in the lower floor of the building the place the students aptly referred to as purgatory. As Professor Novak rarely let anyone down to the level and no one entered his office, it was his space and it was not to be infiltrated by unwelcome outsiders. Rumours once spread of few students who had been down to "Purgatory" that never resurfaced again.

"That is I" he finally finds his voice and pushes his glasses back upon the bridge of his nose and stands, accepting the hand offered to him.

"The Faculty Head said I'd find you down here" The southern drawl left a gruff tang at the end and he could not decide if he was intrigued by the man or the slightly perplexing concept that there was indeed an FBI agent standing in his office. "I'm Special Agent Winchester." he adds as they shake hands. The professor regarding him again the strong handshake lasting only moments and yet his coarse hands spoke volumes of the man before him.

"How may I assist you Special Agent Winchester?" The professor was now the one enquiring, he refused to touch the brown file in front of him, and he sat back down in his chair reclining back this time. Letting his gaze travel up over the casual but smart Jeans and then pressed green plaid shirt. This Special Agent did not look much like an agent right now, it left his mind wandering about what exactly this is.

"How about we go get some coffee and I pick your brains?" he asks casually a slight shrug as his eyes wonder around the room. The professor catches his gaze and then proceeds to watch him look around his office, something about the intensity of the Agents gaze left him feeling uncomfortable the office suddenly too close and his clothes constricting around his neck. So against better judgement he stands.

"Very Well Special Agent Winchester" He feels the words slip out almost to quiet and he curses himself, he is not known for his social prowess but he would have hoped he could at least hold a conversation with an agent of the law.

"Dean. Call me Dean." The agent flashes the professor a smile and the professor finds himself reaching for the file taking in a sharp inhale as he glances around his office.

"There is only one spot on campus that I will take my coffee and it most certainly is not the faculty staff room." Now Standing the professor chances making eye contact with the Agent; there is a look in the Agent eyes that states he has seen much and done much worse. A caged animal ready and lurking behind the smooth and charming demeanour of this casually dressed Special Agent.

"Not a problem, we can go where ever." Dean smiles, a bright smile that reaches even his eyes and it takes the Professor off guard.

The professor stares at Dean now as he starts walking out the office, his jaw set tight as he watches Deans fingers work along the spines of the books on his book case, he sucks in a sharp inhale and counts to 7 breathing out and back in again, reminding himself to remain calm. This is why he did not even let students within his office. He disliked people touching what is his. Dean turns to him as he reaches the door and the professor almost walks into him he was too busy paying attention to the breathing exercises, he had been given them to help him control the anxiety.

And now this Six foot three casually charming guard disarming Agent was staring at him. "Do I have to call you professor Novak, Don't y'have a real name I can use? What'm I t'call you?" The Agents thick accent was now less professional, and it was evidently butchering the English language. This should be causing the Professors stomach to knot, but instead he finds himself just staring slack jawed.

He corrects himself and nods "Very well, Castiel, My name is Castiel." He stammers with his own name and he locks his jaw now to refrain from rolling his eyes. Once again his lack of social experience shows, and Castiel now questions why he is even slightly bothered about this. The agent will take his information and leave. Never to return, so why does that cause his stomach to knot more than the close proximity?

"Y'know I asked for a name I'd be able to use" Dean was laughing at him now and the professor braced himself to the overwhelming sense of panic but it did not come, instead he found himself smiling at this character.

He sighs and shakes his head mumbling, "My Parents were Scholars of History and Religion." An here it was, that gut wrenching twisting feeling the world was about to spin out of control, he never spoke of his parents he could not bring himself to consider them.

An open hand placed on his right shoulder drew him back to the here and now, he was about to flinch away, but these green eyes met his and he just stopped, everything in him ran cold, but not in fear all that was gone. It was just a dark empty place. Void of emotion.

"Cas? You with me?" Dean asked and the Professor quirked his brow and as if that was question enough Dean continued. "Casti-whatever, it's too much of a mouthful" he winked and continued "So Cas for short, makes perfect sense to me, don't others call you Cas?" The darkness was gone and the cold feeling was rushing with warmth.

Cas he mused to himself and accepted this new name with ease, something he had never experienced before, he repeated the shortened version of his name and it caused his brain to rattle. Slowly it was his own voice he was hearing say it no longer Dean fear and instinct took over, fear of the unknown, fear of disorder and total chaos. His name was Castiel Novak he was a professor at Columbia University.

Cas shook his head, this was going to take some getting used to.

"Well from now on to me at the very least you are known as Cas, comprende padre?" Dean flashed him another disarming smile and Cas nodded.

"Very well then Dean, are we going to remain in this doorway all afternoon, or may we go and purchase some coffee now?" He asks and steps back to take a little control back of his own surroundings, the vibes he had picked up around Dean had become an instant gravitational field, to a state of not feeling and that was a dangerous path for him. Cas knew given time and opportunity he would find himself reliant on this feeling making dealing with the rest of the world that much harder for him, so he decided to pull back now to save himself from any harm.

They walked through the campus side by side, Cas trying avoid the gravitation pull of Dean, pushing himself away from the cold clear feeling that Dean causes to wash over him. Cas stares a head, noting each and every student to avoid, moving away from swaying limbs and the occasional over handing bag or book. This world was in fact Cas' worse nightmare, he had not checked the time, and it was break time, prime time for students to amass corridors and loiter near doors. Cas was using his breathing and trying to keep in step with Dean whilst dodging the passing students to avoid the impending feeling tightening within his chest.

They make is across the courtyard as Cas steers Dean towards the only coffee house on campus that he trusts. He stops mid stride staring at the busy buzzing coffee house it takes a few more steps from Dean before he realises Cas is no longer walking beside him. Cas clutches the FBI file and holds it to his chest. His breathing now erratic, his coffee house the usually quiet place on campus is a busy place with warm sweating germ carrying bodies all jostling for place. Cas feels his chest tighten and his stomach churn, he could not walk into such a place, seeing it as this was almost a desecration of a place he virtually considered sacred. If it were possible for a certain chair at a certain table within this specific coffee house to be considered sacred, then yes this place was sacred to him. A usually quiet place he uses for contemplation as he sips from his usual cup watching the world pass by in quiet and it was now a sight of disorder, total chaos. His eyes widened his pupils dilating as he took in the sight before him. He was about to turn to leave when he heard his name not his name, his new shortened version of his name carried by this intoxicating low tone that in its self, had a certain calming gravitational pull to it. It was faintly rising above the din of the rustling crowds, bag zippers and clanking mugs. He froze in place his heart beating racing actually pushing streams of blood to sound like it was reverberating through his ears and yet still he heard his name.

"Cas?" Dean stepped forwards, his eyes almost squinted in both confusion and concern, for all he knew this guy was having a coronary right in front of him, so Dean stepped forwards a hand out stretched in a gesture that he just want to check Cas was ok. He placed his hand on Cas shoulder and Cas' entire posture changed. Suddenly Cas was standing bolt upright, his eyes almost glazed over and Dean was certain he could see traits of himself within Cas' blue eyes, and now Dean decided to pay close attention to those eyes as his pupils receded back and he could in fact see almost ocean blues staring back at him.

Dean could not stop himself smiling; this professor was a coin toss from what he was moments ago. He mused over the facts he knew about this guy for a moment, an ex-FBI profiler who basically excommunicated himself. Dean pondered on this, he left the FBI due to his mental health, it was speculated he was close to snapping that he could feel another's feelings, experience the way they think and feel. It is how they found a few serial killers and kidnappers before. And this lead to him leaving before he lost control of who he was. And if Dean were honest this fact intrigued him slightly. A man dealing with death daily only to become the monster he hunted. Yes this was definitely someone Dean needed to watch closely.

"I am fine Dean, you do not need to show concern for me" Cas nodded curtly that cold feeling of empty space flooded him again and everything else fell by the way side, the rushing students and the hustle and bustle of the coffee house it held no fear for him now, it had washed away. Cas continued to stare into the green eyes that appeared to be studying him. Cas offered a smile and stepped forwards, he felt the empty feeling threaten to rip away so he remained in proximity to Dean at least for now. There are many questions Cas wants to ask, but he is too content to stand beside the FBI agent who projected such a calm and empty of fear aura than Cas felt inexplicably drawn to it.

Break time must have ended as the students all rush around them and seem to be clearing the coffee house; by the time they get there it is mostly empty. Cas barely says two words to the people behind the counter and yet by the time they arrive to pay the cashier is handing over a steamed vanilla spiced latte. Dean almost laughs and orders a flat black before turning to Cas who was almost on instinct moving around the tables and chairs with an effortless precision that made Dean wonder what else this guy did in his spare time. Dean takes his coffee and follows Cas across the coffee house with less grace, moving chairs aside to reach a booth in the far corner overlooking a park.

"I like jogging in that park every morning" Cas smiles as he seems infinitely calmer, again another side of this multi-faced coin.

Dean quirks his brow and leans forwards. "Well not for nothing Cas, but I don't jog, but maybe I'll come watch so you can run by me a few times." Dean is practically smirking at him now, and Cas hardly even misses a beat as he places his hand on the case file.

"Special Agent Winchester, I am sure you are not the FBI's errand boy so please explain to me why you brought this case to my desk, on your day off no less?" Cas flips the subject back to work related and Dean sits there a moment his hand running through his hair rubbing the ends considering if he needed a haircut.

"My day off? Yeah I thought this was going to be a waste of time, so I didn't want to waste official police time on a hunch my boss wanted to try out." Dean guff's at him, feeling a twinge of resentment now towards the seemingly now pompous professor.

"So I am here on a hunch? A hunch about what exactly? Are you in a habit of disobeying orders from your superiors Dean?" Cas stares across the table at him now leaning forwards encroaching on Deans personal space.

Dean huffs and leans back away from the professor, he regards Cas a moment and wonders where the brash pompous professor was in the court yard just moments earlier. He shook his head and mumbled. "Well I am here aren't I?"

"Indeed you are" Cas nods and situates himself into a position where he could read the file he had placed upon the table his slender fingers picked at the edge of the file not opening it yet. He knew what lay inside, photos and information on a string of murders. He had hopped his faculty head would have for bayed the FBI from asking him for such help. But he was aware that the federal government took not such pity on frayed minds of ex-employees, they merely came and took what they wanted.

"Well are you going to open the damn file or just sit here all day." Dean snapped and instantly regretted it, the professor sank back a little and he saw the same flash of panic rear it's head again. Dean internally kicked himself for snapping. But this guy was pushing his buttons. He wanted answers and if the professor had none he wanted to know that. And not spend his afternoon discussing the rights and wrongs of following orders.

Cas flipped the file open scanning over every page the images cementing into his visual memory. He stared at the bodies, they had been butchered, but he noted with care. The file reported no toxins present and no trace evidence was left behind. And the only thing connecting the victims were the strange symbols that were nothing like Cas had ever seen before. Cas played with the rims of his glasses his forefinger and thumb rubbing around the edges as he let out a resigned sigh. "It appears I may be of use after all Special Agent Winchester."

Dean's ears perked up at that and it seems his attitude had been pushed aside as he nods "Call me Dean," He smiles at the professor and watches as he studies over the photos. Dean could see it in his eyes, the cold calculated processing of years of witnessing and being in the mind of a killer. "What do you see?"

Cas nodded and looks up his eyes focusing on Deans as he speaks. "Dean," he affirms watching Dean nod before he continues on "it is the work of the same man, the care taken with each victim is exact. There is over kill to hide the first intended strikes, the victims are dead with in the initial two blows the rest is because he likes to show off his skill, he restrains them only as a show of force, he could disarm and kill without such measures. And the symbols. They are very unique." Cas now returns his gaze the file his fingers brushing over each picture a silent reverence in his eyes.

Cas closes his eyes a moment and closes the file, Dean does not miss the way Cas' eyes change. "So Cas, I guess I be seeing you at the office tomorrow?" Dean watches him carefully each time he looks at him he feels like he could be staring at a different person. But Dean is happy to have some assistance, and what he could tell from this professors behaviour he was going to be very intriguing to work with.

"Yes Dean, may I keep the file and have some time to regard the symbols left upon the victims?" Cas flashes a look to Dean and his hand rests on top of the file. This was more than he had expected, and he was certain he could place the symbols. As long as he kept everything else in order assisting on this case should not be a cause for concern.

"Yeah keep it, and don't work too hard on it, we have tomorrow to work together on it." Dean offers him a smile, he is giving him a way out and Dean does not understand what was possessing him to do so. But Cas returns him a smile and he realises why, Dean knew this would be interesting and he was beginning to see a commonality here between them, he stood and excused himself leaving Cas with the file to work on whilst he returned to his day off.

He crossed out of the university of Columbia and looked up and down 116th street he'd considered driving his baby into the city but he had decided against it. However now he missed being able to climb into his beloved classic car. His one expense that he takes pride in but he did not trust a bunch of college kids around his freshly polished '67 Chevy Impala sport. Even though owning a car in New York City was pointless. He turned on his heel and headed to the nearest subway station to return home and to put thoughts of blue eyes and intense gazes behind him.


	2. Inside of me

It had been a few days since Cas started working with the FBI, he was learning quickly that they are not as organized as one might think. At least Deans superior Bobby Singer seemed to run a tight ship, but with so many cases running through the office at once Cas was surprised they found the time to deal with such a case. There had only been a few murders so far and Cas was certain had it not been for the strange symbols the FBI would not even be investigating it. But Dean seemed adamant that they capture the unsub, the unknown subject. Cas was learning the FBI lingo quickly, it was thrown around the office along with his new nickname. He was more comfortable with it now. It was not ideal, and the only person who could say it without sending an unsettling bolt of nausea through him was Dean. But that was Dean, everything about him seemed to put Cas at ease. So he found himself accepting the new people in his life calling him Cas. And was finding himself referring to himself as Cas now also.

He had arrived just after lunch to his usual midweek appointment and had been shown through to the office but his Psychiatrist was nowhere in sight. He stood beside the bookcase a feeling of unease spreading through his entire being. He did not like being in the office without the familiar presence of Sam, he had been Castiel's Doctor since he left the FBI 4 years ago. Back then Sam was fresh out of medical school with ideas that rivalled his peers. Now Sam and Cas had an easy relationship, one which Cas had come to rely on and trust. And today Sam was late. Sam was never late. It was starting to fray Cas' nerves. He stared at the books reading each spine allowing the familiarity of each title to stave his nerves. He looked around the room taking in the familiar art on the other three walls, ignoring the almost clinical feel of the plain silver shutters on the windows, the white walls were supposed to represent a blank canvas, a place of no preconceptions. The door opens and a chill runs down his spine he turned to look and felt his body almost ease as he spots Sam, the tall longhaired Doctor looked rushed and flushed Cas took in his presence and squinted over at him, what had he been doing to leave him with such expressions.

Sam looked over and caught Castiels expression, he straighten his shirt and ran his fingers through his hair and offers an apologetic smile at Castiel who was at this moment still giving him a less than impressed glare. "My apologies Castiel, my brother detained me longer than I had anticipated. It appears he had much to say today."  
Cas nodded and walked over to where there are two seats sat at such an angle where both are equally facing towards and away from each other. He took a seat and watched Sam open a draw in his desk. "Your apology is accepted Samuel." Cas placed his hands in his lap and glanced at his watch. Sam was almost twenty minutes late.  
"Thank you very much for understanding Castiel." Sam smiled and reached into his draw taking out his diary and his note pad then he takes a seat opposite Castiel.  
Cas sits there with Sam for almost a hour talking about how his week has been and Cas cannot help but lock his jaw each time Sam calls him Castiel. It has never been a problem before, however right now Cas was struggling with listening to his own name. Cas spoke to Sam about how he currently feels, expressing his deep displeasure for his experience the other day when he was misguided into leaving the safe confines of his office during break time, leaving him to face multiple challenges. Sam praised him on his ability to cope with the situation, when actually all Cas wanted to do was talk about the empty feeling he got when standing close to this FBI agent. He wanted to express the gravitational pull this feeling has had over the past few days. He wants to say he may become addicted to not having to feel fear or feel anything, the cold dark is a welcoming peace and he is already craving that feeling. The more he thinks about it, the more he wants it so he decided it is in his best interests to deny that he is feeling any of this. And to return to his feelings, or rather too many feelings. Sam seemed to be staring at him, his warm eyes expressive in the way they wish for Cas to open up to him. Cas opens his mouth to speak but closes it again.

Sam started a new conversation asking Cas about his classes, but Cas gave simple almost non responsive answers, and it appeared the less he had to say the more Sam had to write down. Sam tapped his pen upon the board and glanced around the room.

"How are things with your colleagues Castiel? Have you made any progress there?" Sam asked and his eyes looked hopeful.

Cas felt a slight twinge at the corner of his mouth, he would not exactly say he had made progress there he still in large refused to talk to the other faculty staff, none of them were interesting or worth his anxiety. That being said Sam made, that is incorrect Sam requested that Cas sit in the faculty staff room with one of his books all day. Of course, Cas had every intention of not staying in the staff room at all. He would happily tell Sam he did but it did not work. However what was the point of paying this man if not to take his advice, and he had known Sam for many years and trusted him. So Cas sat in the staff room with his book, reading to pass the time, throughout the day as different people came in Cas looked over the top of the book at them, he held his breath every time he heard the door. This exercise was to encourage Cas to speak to others, to smile and say hello. However, Cas stumbled over the word, as simple as it is, it is impossible to speak when panic rushes through your system about everything they could not like about you, the walls close in and it becomes almost impossible to breath. Cas used his book as a life line gripping it tight as he counted through his breathing, and for the most part his day was quiet no one bothered with the strange twitching professor on the couch. That was until late afternoon Cas had just returned from the coffee house the other end of campus he walked in and froze he had left his book behind when he had talked himself into going to get coffee. He had been so busy counting his breathing he left his book and now someone else was reading it. He was suddenly counting his breathing again. Then this red head with warm eyes looked up at him and smiled and asked if it was his book.

This is how he met Charlie, fellow colleague at Columbia university. Charlie was a Computer Technology Teaching Assistant. She has slowly become Cas friend. Sam was happy with this outcome, he has since encouraged seeing Charlie outside of the university campus, but he has not seen due course or reason to invite her anywhere. They meet for coffee maybe once a week, but beyond that it is passing hellos if they every cross paths. Charlie is a wonderful young woman, she is bright and colourful and the total opposite to him. She fills him with a wonder he rarely feels. Her excitement is contagious, but he can only manage to be around such brightness for so long, it makes him uncomfortable after a while. So the coffee once a week is all they require to keep Sam happy. And Charlie appears to love regaling Cas with stories of her adventures in Moondoor and how her students are creating a video based on the Role Play concept of that kingdom.

Cas filled Sam in on the same updates he received from Charlie and fed Sam the same information he himself gave to Charlie.

"Are you aware of the coming date Castiel?"

Cas just stared at him, he knew the date it was the 13th of February, what does that have to do with anything? "I do know the date today Samuel"

"Castiel, Please call me Sam. I was wondering if you had any plans for tomorrow, it is Valentine's Day Castiel. Are you planning on doing anything?"

Oh. Now he understood. "No, I have no plans, nothing aside from my usual Friday routine. I am going to attend work and then I shall visit my sisters grave, I shall inform her of my week and then I am returning home. Why should this Friday be any different, I do not celebrate such frivolous holidays."

Sam's face looked pensive, he did this thing with his tongue that angered Cas more than he wished to admit. Cas felt his thoughts become conflicted, he did not wish to talk to Sam right now, the questions seemed pointless and Cas could not shake thinking about the cool calmness gained from green eyes, but he was not going to talk about this here, it would make Sam ask questions Cas did not wish to answer. So Sam continued to ask Cas meaningless simple questions and the more he asked the more Cas wished he would stop asking. Cas had the case on his mind and as soon as the session was over he excused himself and returned to his office.

* * *

Upon entering the building Cas passed through the security check and towards the elevator down to his floor, pushing the button feeling his anxiety ease as he thinks of spending the rest of his day locked within the confines of his office, what he did not expect was walking into his office to see Dean. His mood dropped instantly, he had used all his energy engaging Sam, he did not have the energy to placate Dean with menial conversation.

"Hello Dean"

"Hey Cas, where you been? I been here for what feels like hours man" Dean flashed over a smile, a file in his hands as he turns towards Cas from the far wall book case where Dean had been reading the names of all the different text books and classic literature. He would not admit to taking any out, he had a feeling Cas was really anal about it.

"I had a prior engagement, if you had called ahead you would have been informed as much" Cas' gut twisted, he knew for a fact that Dean had been in his office unattended most likely touching objects that were not his to touch. This made Cas feel very uneasy, his stomach twisting into knots as he inhales sharply his breathing uneven but he tries to control himself in the best way he can.

"Well I needed to get out the office, Bobby was asking questions and I had no answers, so I thought I'd drop by, find out if you wanted to come and do some investigating with me?" Dean smiled and stepped across the office towards Cas.

Cas froze in situ, his mind racing at what Dean had just suggested. "You wish for me to accompany you? But why?" He could not grasp the concept of what Dean wanted, not to mention Cas really did not wish to speak with any one, but perhaps someone would have an extra insight for Cas on what is going on. He realised Dean was just staring at him with a half-smile now expecting an answer. "If you wish for me to come who am I to disagree with you Dean, you know what is best for this case"

"Well, I could go on my own, it's not like I don't know my job, but you are the expert Cas, I Just thought you'd like to come on the case with me rather than just being hauled up in here as a consultant. You are my partner now, I'll tell you what, why don't I show you what I have so far. And you can tell me all about your hot date" Dean chuckled at his own comment knowing this wasn't the case but, something made him say it. He couldn't help but notice Cas was highly uncomfortable, his whole posture was changing and he was clearly agitated by the idea so maybe this was the best cause of action for the time being.

Cas shuffled on the balls of his feet uncomfortably and gazed between Dean and his bookcase he was going to have to clean there later. For now he had the more pressing matter of actually dealing with Dean. Flicking his gaze to Deans eyes and instantly regretting it, as all the preconceptions of what to expect melted away he swallowed down and nodded until his eyes widened and he choked on his own saliva "What do you mean a hot date Dean? What are you insinuating? I was doing no such thing" He closed his mouth about to say more, however now he adverted his gaze "I am better as a consultant, I do not work well within close proximity to strangers Dean" Cas asserted his back straightening as he kept his gaze fixed on a specific point on his desk.

"How about we go get coffee at your spot Cas, and we can talk some more about this case, I'll get your advice on a few aspects and have a clue on what to ask the people I need to go question." Dean offers him a smile, hoping to at least have him become more relaxed at the sound of his coffee spot.

Cas nods his head and looks towards the file in Deans hand wondering what he had with him. "What is that you have with you this time, there hasn't been another murder has there?" He feels his breath hitch as his stomach churns at the idea that he was not fast enough to help to save a life.

"It's just a few names and information we have on them, I thought you might not want to come with, so I brought a file with me so we can work out who will be the best person for me to question first, I'd love to get your psychological insight to all of this" Dean grinned slightly too much. Cas was sure he was lying, hiding something. It felt like another test but Cas just nodded, this time actually checking the time. Since their first meeting and abruptly walking into his own version of hell Cas vowed to always check the time.

It was during 4th period Cas was certain there would be minimal traffic between here and his coffee spot. The less people he has to navigate the better. He grounded himself where he was. Reminded himself that it was a safe place and he could go. With little more said between them Cas ushered Dean once again out of his office, locking it behind them, this was becoming a habit one Cas did not want Dean to form. He walked along the corridor towards the elevator and they make their way towards the coffee spot. This journey was becoming easier, it appeared Dean knew where he was going now.

Once they arrived at the coffee spot, they not only readied Cas drink but Dean's also. Dean was impressed; it appeared the professor must have been held in high regard with the students on campus for them all to take notice. Either that or they were obviously all crushing on him, not that it's hard to believe. Dean had noted already that Cas was handsome, no he hadn't noticed that at all. This was a work partnership and if it's one thing Sammy has taught him, it is that you do not shit in your own yard. He made that mistake once and it took said intern leaving before Dean could even walk into work without dodging into the copier room or into others offices to avoid them. No Dean did not notice that Cas is good looking or anything of the sort. He was neutral, and weird. Dean did not need to focus too much on that.  
Cas and Dean took their seats Cas instantly looking out across the park, a slight smile crossing his features as he turns towards Dean. "What did you wish to ask of me then Dean?"

Dean handed over the file. "Take a quick read and give me some guidance on who to approach first and the best way in which to get them to tell me anything that might help, these are the closest thing we have to leads so far"

Cas took the file, he eyes Dean sceptically then opened the file and started to read through it, the few profiles in there were off Drug dealers, pimps and local gang members, he sighs exasperated. "Dean none of these are what you are looking for, this is a waste of your time and mine to give me a list like this."  
Dean looked shocked he hadn't expected such admonishment from Cas and most certainly not so quickly. "So who should I be looking for? Because so far these are all we've found in connection to any of the victims" He huffs and stares at Cas expectantly.

Cas sighs his eyes closing as he thinks of the murder scenes and the bodies, the way they are disfigured and their placement within abandoned places. "These are not gang hits or crimes of heated moments nor are they disputes between employer and employee." His eyes remained closed as he puts himself within the crime scenes, "The unsub requires space, somewhere clean enough to clean down to ensure no trace evidence is left behind." He's stood within a large white room, tiled floor with drains sprinkler system overhead, the room reinforced and sound proofed, he himself is meticulously clean. Nails filed back hair trimmed and groomed very neat, short but not military short. "He is well educated, immaculately dressed and has a charming usual appearance that makes his victims feel at ease until it is too late, he is tall and strong, but he does not need to enforce his power his job gives him enough credibility that what he asks for is given to him regularly without hesitation." Cas continues through his walk through of the scene. "He has money but he does not live a life of luxury, he lives a usual existence creating no waves, he would be a hard worker but not over exceeding. He likes to fly under the radar, within law enforcement, or he wished to be within law enforcement and has had to leave, his skill suggest some medical training or he is an astute study and is self-taught, some of the wounds suggest hesitation he is still not a hundred percent proficient at his chosen skill." Cas was in this room, it is all white and clean and he feels relaxed his shoulders slump, his heart rate slows, he feels at home here the clean nature of this room makes him comfortable here. Cas looks around spotting the trolley "He has all the weapons he wishes for, he does not waste his time but he has plenty of it." Cas is now stood over the body of a young girl who is kneeling before him, her bright green eyes stare at him. He tilts his head, the blade in his hand well balanced and sharp as he swings his arm it catches and slides across her skin with ease, sliding though her layers of skin like a hot knife through butter. "The marks on the body, the blades he uses are custom made built for him, the weight and grip of the hilt to blade is exactly right for his arm, he views the weapon as an extension of him, when you find him, he will have the weapon near him, a safety blanket, his favourite blade." Cas watches as each precision mark upon the body causes her to bleed out within seconds, she falls slump to the floor and he begins his work. "The over kill is not just to mask his skill but to send a message, he is not afraid of his work, he his challenging you to stop him, he is letting you know he is out of control, he will be calm calculated in all aspects of his life until it reaches this point, then he lets go here." He leans down to the body the time he takes he revels in it, he enjoys the feeling as he runs his fingers along the seams in the body he has created life pouring from her. He turns and picks up the etching tool and gets to work creating his masterpiece. "He is a scholar I believe in ancient world religions, his knowledge of symbols is basic but I believe he has had some schooling to know where to begin to look." Once he finished carving his symbol into the body he starts to get the body ready for transportation, he turns the sprinklers on and leaves the room. "his room will have black light for him to ensure there is nothing left upon the body to identify him, but he knows he has time to move freely he has local police knowledge and knows the places it will be safe to use to stage his bodies." Cas becomes trapped in his mind, sweat starts pouring down his forehead as his heart races, the visions behind his eyes unrelenting.

Dean watches on making notes to everything Cas says then as Cas goes quiet he becomes worried. "Cas?" He considers reaching over to Cas but he didn't want to startle him. He keeps calling his name hoping to draw his attention back here, he wasn't sure what to do. He was about to get up move to sit beside Cas when a young lady sits beside him, her red hair shining in the sun as she flashes Dean a smile and it leaves him slightly confused. He was about to ask who she was when she started waving her hand in front of Cas face.

"Castiel?" She keeps waving her hand in his face as she turns to Dean. "He is having one of his moments again. You looked startled thought I'd come help you out. I'm Charlie by the way"

Dean stares at her. "That obvious huh? I'm Dean," He cracks a slight smile almost laughing, but his eyes fall on Cas and he cannot help but be concerned. "You sure he is ok? How long will he be like that for?"

"Yeah he will be fine, he has these moments" she looks to Dean and smiles warmly "He won't be like it long, wait. Are you FBI Dean? I knew he said handsome but I think he was selling you short" She offers a light laugh and waves her hand at Cas again this time snapping her fingers at the end of his nose.

"Yes FBI…wait, what? He said what?" Dean was about to push the matter more, but Cas is suddenly back in the land of the living and his focus is right there, he will leave his questions for Charlie or maybe Cas later. "Cas?"  
Cas sighs his whole body shaking the deep sweat setting in, he glances to Dean and almost jumps as he spots Charlie, he feels trapped and it is unwelcome. He needs to move.

"Please excuse me, I must leave now. Dean that is all the information I have for you at this present time. Charlie please excuse me" He starts to move and almost pushes Charlie out of the way she gets up and moves, it is unlike Cas he needs to move, normally he would wait, but he needs to move. Charlie gets up and Dean offers her an apologetic look as he grabs his file and starts after Cas shouting at him to wait up. But Cas ignores him and keeps moving.

Dean ends up standing at the edge of campus as Cas takes off through the park, Dean lost him the moment Cas sprinted, Dean could have given chase but he decided that for now Cas needed his space. He'd call him later to find out what the fuck that was all about


	3. Night of the hunter

Dean returned home after losing Cas in the park. He slipped out of his jacket hanging it up and kicked off his shoes putting them in a neat pile beside his boots. He walked along the wooden floorboards towards the kitchen intent on finding some food, but his mind kept returning to the coffee spot.

It was strange to see him like that. Of all the times, they had discussed the case and Cas talked him through crime scenes he had never seen him react like that, granted they had only known each other a few days. Perhaps he was over thinking it. Maybe Cas always gets like that, Charlie seemed to think it was normal. But Cas' reaction that look on his face, the haunted spark that he saw wash over him.

No he wasn't ok.

But what was Dean supposed to do? He could hardly call the guy up, he'd made it obvious he wanted to be left alone. So all he could do was wait and try calling a few times later maybe he'll pick up, he just wants to check up on the guy.

Not because he cared for Cas, because he didn't.

He was just concerned for his partner, you have to take care of the partners you are given, even if Cas was technically not his partner, but Bobby insisted to treat Cas like family. Bobby's words about "family not ending in blood" running through his ears. Bobby ran his section like a family; everyone had each other's back. Hence, why Dean was worried for Cas, it was nothing more than work related concern.

It was certainly nothing more than that.

Dean's hands were sweaty his body was aching and it had nothing to do with Cas or the case, he had an itch he needed to scratch. He poured himself a large scotch and walked into his living room, he flicked on the electric fake log fire and sat down in his large recliner and stared into the fake flickering flames, half smiling to himself how even this fire held a façade. His mind revelled in the ideas he had running through him, the warmth of skin, the feeling of another's life force against his own, he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander to the curves of a body, the sharp definition of hips, soft warm lips, smooth supple skin. He was not thinking of blue eyes. They were not blue. He did not want to think of crystal clear blue eyes which held as a window to nothing. No he was going to think of warm honey eyes, that begged for release. He sipped his scotch as a smirk appeared across his face, it was early yet he could go out if he felt so inclined...

* * *

It was late, he's lost track of time driving around the slums of the city, he always found himself here. He never fully understood the drive, but he knew the outcomes. Peace. And he would do whatever he had to, to feel that peace again. The puzzle inside his head was making him edgy. He could not afford to be edgy that would lead to mistakes and this was no time for mistakes, he had to be careful to pick his target carefully. The more he thought about the case, the more he became compelled to take action. He needed a clear head. And he knew no better way to clear his mind than this.

As he drove around he watched the prostitute's, he was never interested in them, no he sought out those who he knew were inherently bad for this world. Potentially evil. The newspapers were full of gang shootings, drug over doses and beaten sex slaves. These we the lowest of the low, they preyed on those weaker than they are. It was his job to turn the tables on them. For them to embrace his gift.

He drove around in his inconspicuous 2004 silver Toyota corolla, searching for his intended victim. He found a place to park down a small ally way, he watched the world pass by him. He is scanning the area continually for someone to grab his attention, he sits there idly playing with the amulet around his neck, fingers running along the leather strap up into the short hair at the nape of his neck. His breathing calm as he feels that urge twitch within him, he was about to give up his hunting in this area and move on as he sees just what he is looking for, just off in the darkness in an adjacent ally. He watches a young woman who looks as though she has not had a decent meal in months follow a man who then proceeds to make a transaction with her. But he is displeased with whatever she gave him, he watches as what he can only assume is a drug dealer assaults this young woman. He gets out the car and pulls his coats collar up wrapping his arms around himself as he walks over, he pays little attention to the crack whore bloody and bruised on the floor she is alive, she will live. He approaches the dealer and asks for a taste. The dealer is shifty at first claims to know nothing, but he keeps pushing for something he wants an 8ball. Eventually the dealer agrees, and once the Dealers guard is down he makes his move.

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his syringe, and within one fluid moment, he had jammed the needle into the neck of the dealer, without skipping a beat, he pocketed the needle again. He leans the dealer against the wall and watches as the Ketamine runs through his system the 10mg taking effect within 30 seconds of the dose being administered, the dealer barely had time to react to what had happened before he lost control of himself. He glanced down at his watch the 10mg dose should give him around 40 minutes before this drug dealer is fully conscious again. He preferred the ketamine the cataleptic response to this particular drug made the person easier to transport, they did not require a respirator. He pulled the arm of the dealer around his shoulder and walked him over towards his car. Once he gets the dealer seated inside he buckles him up tight so he cannot move, safety first after all he did not want to be pulled over by the police.

He drives across town, towards his white room, he calls it his white room, but this is his room he uses to take care of these low lives. He had already set it up before going out on his hunt, his fingers gripped the steering wheel as he thought about getting back there, everything in place an ready the plastic sheeting covering the walls and floor, the make shift table he himself created. His trolley of tools all lined up and ready for use. He almost lets out a pleased groan for what is waiting for him.

The drive is short and when he pulls into the garage he switches off the engine and takes a short inhale, the desire that flows through him now was one of extracting vengeance upon this miscreant.

He pulls the dealer out of his corolla grumbling as he kicks the car door shut. He knows he can make as much noise as he wants down here, in this run down broken shell of a home, it was just behind the docks in an area where poverty has driven out business and homeowners, no one is in this area. He drags the dealer down into the basement throwing the reprobate onto the table. He uses the scissors from his trolley to cut the clothing from the dealer, dropping them into a pile before latching down the metal straps over ankles and wrists and a simpler strap stretches across the man's hips. He pulls the empty oil drum over and sets it beside the table. Then he sits back on the small metal stool and waits. He waits because he wants the dealer to awaken before he starts his work.

As he sits there waiting flashes of the crime scenes he's been dealing with flutter through his mind, his jaw tightens as he gets up and starts pacing, this dealer is taking too long to wake. This was his escape, he needed this, this would halt the itch he is having, it would quell his urges and he could continue on his day job unhindered by the visions in his mind. He needed this. This miscreant was his answer. It was his salvation. And soon the miscreant would understand he was his angel of mercy here to grant him release from his pathetic existence.

The dealer slowly starts to wake and he crosses the small room towards him a loose smile upon his lips, 'Finally time to play' are his thoughts.

"Do you understand why you are here?" he smirks as he comes into the dealers view. He wanted the dealer to understand why he has been chosen.

The dealer blinks a few times and struggles against the restraints. "The fuck is wrong with you man."

He stares down his fingers running over the body a pervious conversation about skin and wounds flash through his mind and he finds himself wanting to free this being from existence, he needed to slow his mind down he was rushing, he had no need to rush. "You have been chosen"

"Let me the fuck up you psycho bastard" The dealer pulls again and spits in his direction.

It makes him laugh as he reaches down picking up his blade, turning back to the dealer pointing the blade in his direction ensuring the dealer could see the blade. "You are a mark upon society, you are all that is wrong with this city."

The dealers eyes widen. "Look man whatever you want you can have ok? Just let me the fuck up. I'm just the pusher. I just doing a job man" The dealer pleas.

He baulks a laugh, "You have your job and this is mine." He takes the blade and runs it along his chest, the tip of the blade pushing through the first few layers of skin, he isn't as proficient as the serial killer, but he isn't copying, this is something he has been doing for many years. He pushes down harder on the blade, the dealer tries to move but his struggles are pointless he is suitably restrained.

The dealer screams, it makes him stare pushing down on the blade, watching as this scoundrel screams more, "Stop this man, look I won't say a word let me go, please," The dealer begs again.

He stares at the dealer a bemused expression on his face. "Except your fate. I am here to grant you freedom, you are chosen. You are going to leave this forsaken life."

"I don't want freedom like that. Let me go home"

He shakes his head and decides he is not going to engage the dealer any longer. He runs a parallel line opposite the line he just cut joining them together then the rips the edge up then with another blade he lifts and slices in a filleting motion ripping a strip of flesh from stomach to clavicle. The dealer screams and cries, but he ignores him, he gets to work loosing himself within his work, he takes them apart piece by piece. He flays the body, dumping the pieces into the oil drum, this was his therapy, he was feeling more relaxed as his knife scored through the body eventually the pain becomes too much for the dealer and he passes out twitching under each poke and prod against certain muscles. The dealer is dead now, the blood loss had assured that, but this isn't about the dealers death. He wants to feel free, to have his peace and this is what he must do to state his mind and find peace. He takes the muscles apart next, clearing the muscle from the chest and stomach working down as he slowly strips away the different abdominal muscles and oblique's, he reaches the ribs as he pulls the remnants of muscle away.

He reaches for this bone saw, he has a flutter of disappointment, as he has taken too long for this, the heart has long since stopped beating. But calming measures are calming, he lifts the saw and pushes down on the chest plate waiting to hear the shattering crack, as soon as he hears it, he reaches for his rib splitters and he forces the rib cage open. He reaches into the chest working swiftly with his smaller blade and pulls out the heart, he holds it up examining it. He lets the feeling of the calmness wash over him it had been to many weeks without a kill, he needed to ground himself, reminding himself of who he is and where he is. He glanced at the heart once more then placed it to the side. He went to work on the rest of the body, emptying the organs into the oil drum layering lye over the top before he took to dismembering the body. Joint by joint he removed them all. Placing each piece of the body into the drum with the lye. The stench was something he himself had gotten used to, he watched as the lye sizzled through skin. It was done, he stared into the drum and mused to himself how little you became once life is gone. He felt something within him swell, he had taken the life his blades freed the dealer from his chains of this life. Now the world will be that little better. He is not delusional, he knows another will step into the dead dealer place, this is why his work will never be done. It makes it easier, perhaps more ethical to kill the scum of the city opposed to the homely housewife.

He had to clean up now, he took down all the sheeting and folded in into the oil drum before sealing the drum. He placed the clothing on to the trolley and then he took his tools and the heart with him out of this room to another part of the house. He pushed the trolley down the hall towards another room, he took his tools and set them neatly in the bottom of the iron clawed footed free standing bath. He turned and picked up his bottles of disinfectant pouring gallons over the weapons leaving them in there to soak for now. He then turned to the far side of the room, it was a personal design of his, taken from the idea of a wood fired pizza oven and a crematorium. There were gas pipes along the side, a simple switch to turn on the flames and a fire pit in the bottom for him to dispose of evidence. He took the heart and placed it inside.

He believed this to be the core of the person, to destroy this with fire was to ensure the soul left this plane and went straight to hell. He threw the empty bottles into the fire pit along with the clothing and then lit the fire. He watched as the flames lapped at the heart and then he hit the gas switch igniting the chamber within total flames within moments it was gone. Turned to ash.

It was done, he felt his whole body relax, he turned away and started to walk towards his white room, to gather the oil drum and push it to its pick up destination. However something still didn't feel complete, he didn't feel completely calm, but the time he had left before being needed back at work, he wasn't sure he had time to hunt again. He gritted his teeth and promised himself another very soon.

* * *

It had been three days since the coffee spot incident, and Cas finally had returned Dean's calls and had arranged to meet him at the coffee spot. Cas knew he needed to clear a few things up and Dean wanted answers. Dean didn't expect the same spot as the incident though. And he was angry at Cas, three days he had tried to contact him with no response and he woke this morning to simple text message telling him where and when. It was fine he supposed this is what it was going to be like working with someone like Cas. He had to be completely off his rocker, because he vanished, from his job from his home. Dean had no idea where to find him and he was going to get answers today whether Cas wanted to give them or not.

Dean arrived early he could not take the pacing around his apartment any longer he arrived almost 45 minutes early to campus. When he arrived he considered going down to Cas' office and demanding answers but he found himself standing at the coffee spot. He ordered his flat black and turned to go and sit at the spot where he and Cas sit. He was not expecting to see Cas already sat there, and certainly not with the dirty blonde haired man. He stood watching, his jaw twitching. He did not know why but he felt a surge of anger run through him as he watched this other man interact with Cas. Cas was laughing and relaxed, it made Dean want to turn and leave he stood there a moment coffee in hand ready to leave as he watched the scene before him. He had spent days worried about Cas, concerned for his wellbeing when in fact there was nothing wrong with him. He watched the other man reach over the table and take Cas' hand and he felt his stomach twist, he tried to look away. But the scene before him had him transfixed.

Cas wasn't sure he was going to make it in today, but with a little persuasion he had made it to campus, he hated that he was having to rely on family to assist him, but Balthazar was the only family he had. He had always taken care of Cas, and it was he who had assisted Cas over the last few days. Cas' cousin knew him well enough to give him the space and not ask questions. Cas turned up on his door and without so much of a what are you doing here Balthazar took one look and let him in. He knew he had been hiding, he had too. He was unravelling and he needed the assistance. Cas arrived early and Balthazar agreed to stay with him until he was relaxed enough to not require him anymore. Balthazar was his cousin, a disowned cousin, but since Cas too was now disowned by his family it had made sense to go to him in his times of need. Balthazar never questioned much but he let Cas talk when he needed to. No one knew about Balthazar, he was his safe haven for when he could not deal with the world around him. He was assuring Balthazar he could leave he would be ok, when he caught sight of Dean. His throat closed up the look within Dean's eyes was not one he wished to see. Dean looked angry, he looked betrayed, Cas sank deeper into his seat, and Balthazar reached over to take his hand to assure him everything was ok.

Dean watched he was so transfixed on this other man he had not realized Cas was now staring at him, he saw the man get up and cross towards him, he felt his back stiffen as he stepped into Dean's personal space it took all of Dean's control to not punch the guy.

"Cassie is all yours now, go easy on him, he's had a rough few days" Balthazar smirked at Dean as he passed him and he did not stop for Dean's response he just kept walking.

Dean ground his teeth as the sandy haired man called Cas, Cassie, it made his insides twist and he needed to calm, the British accent grated his nerves and he was ready to turn and leave, he felt his body turning as he heard a small voice say his name.

"Hello Dean" Cas looked down he felt shame wash through him, he had not been able to conduct himself professionally and now Dean was upset with him. He had let Dean down, this would not work well.

Dean stared across the space between them, he wanted to tell Cas to 'Fuck off' and turn and leave, but he saw the look across Cas' face and he walked over slowly letting out a slight huff. "Three days and I get a cryptic text and then just a fucking hello Dean, that's all you have to say" Dean instantly regretted his words but he felt pissed and Cas needed to know it.

Cas' eyes flew open wide and he sat up straight he looked away from Dean as he started to speak. "If you would just take a seat I will explain everything to you. My apologies Dean, I was not aware you required an "I am sorry Dean" as the first words you wish to hear from me"

Dean shook his head he didn't want to sit down, he certainly didn't want to hear how he'd been too busy with smarmy Mr English to even pick up his phone. He rolled his eyes and remembered this is about work nothing more, why should he even care about this. He takes a seat opposite Cas and stares at him. "Well I am waiting"

Cas closed his eyes for a moment his hands flat on the table, he was grounding himself in the moment and Dean almost chuckled, he knew that look, that exercise, Sammy had him do it a few times before now.

Cas opened his eyes and stared at Dean. "I apologise for my abrupt departure the other day. I became lost in the work of the killer. I needed to go to a place where I could find peace."

"So that's what you call shacking up with Mr Charming? Findin' peace?" Dean countered before Cas had even finished.

Cas' cheeks flushed and he shook his head. "Balthazar is my cousin. He is the only family I have in town and I needed time away from everything. He never asks me such questions and he lets me use the spare room from time to time when I require it."

Dean wanted to laugh, he wasn't sure why, out of relief? Or from stupidity? He was still trying to work out why he cared, it made no sense to him. This weird professor was a means to an end. This is all. "Well you could have picked up Cas"

"Dean I cannot apologize profusely enough, but I…" He lowers his gaze and stares at the table tapping his fingers against the cool surface as he sucks in a deep inhale. "I could not remain in that space, my separation between myself, my thoughts and the scene. I needed to leave. I could not talk for fear that I would shatter the fine line I have. I left to seek refuge in a quiet place. Balthazar has a meditation room, I have been in there reasserting myself in place of the pieces of the puzzle I was working on."

Dean stares at him, his jaw slightly open, he was almost floored by his honesty. Everyone knew he was one hairs breadth away from flipping his switch, but Dean was not aware of just how close to the edge he was. Now he knew and something within him stirred to life. He let go of everything and suddenly it was calm within him, the rage and mistrust faded. It was a simple task for Dean to do, his emotions rarely caught the better of him. He watched Cas, the emotions flickering through him right now were too easy to read he reached out and placed his hand atop of one of Cas' "It ok, you did what you had to do, next time warn me or tell me, I was worried you'd gone and done something stupid."

Cas flicked his gaze to Dean's and all his emotion and anxiety faded away, it was a simple task, stare into these eyes and feel nothing. Cas liked this feeling he cracked a smile as he removed his hands from the table placing them in his lap. "Thank you very much Dean for understanding, but I did nothing stupid. I sought out peace found it, and now my equilibrium has returned to me."

Dean laughs a little and sips his coffee "So that means you are returning to work now or what?" He watches Cas, he wants to know the answer before he hears it. For some reason he was hoping Cas would say he is sticking around.

Cas smiled and shook his head. "Dean, I am not in the position of refusing to work for the federal government. You all take what you wish, however, I hope you do not mind but I have requested that I only deal with you."

Dean held back a smile at that, yeah he liked this guy. He was an effective partner. Well he would be if he could get him actually into the field. But considering this was beginning to feel like a long term arrangement past this one case, Dean was certain he would get Cas back into the field and maybe they'd catch these killers even quicker. "sure, that works. But I have requests of my own that come along with that Cas, we can't always meet here."

Cas regarded the comment and nodded. "Very well, You will have to pick me up then, as I will not travel along unfamiliar routes alone."

Dean nodded and stuck his hand out to him. "We have a deal then, partner"

Cas took his hand and shook it smiling this time. "Indeed we do."


	4. Caught Dead

Since their arrangement, Dean had picked Cas up and few times and they tried out different coffee spots until they found one Cas agreed to. The progress on the case was slow but Cas helped Dean narrow down a suspect pool. Cas was better at this than he gave himself credit for and Dean thinks it's what made his other quirks bearable. Cas knew he was smart but never once did he push himself as above others. He regarded everyone as equals, unlike some others Dean has come to know. Cas was different, Dean reasoned with himself that it was just how Cas is, that it's just the job that's got him thinking of his so called partner.

Dean received a call a little after 11 and he welcomed the interruption of his out of character thoughts. He didn't need to be thinking of Cas, this was his day off. He certainly didn't need Cas today, that was until he received the information and within moments he was in conversation with Cas on the phone, it took some persuading but it was a case after all, thee case. There had been another murder, and this time they had apprehended a suspect, dumping the body. It was becoming a clear cut case now. All he wanted was Cas' insight into the scene, he'd talked Cas into it with the promise of coffee and pie. He wasn't even sure Cas liked pie, but apparently he had shown enough enthusiasm about the qualities of this little diner near the crime scene that Cas had agreed to it. Which was something, because mostly Cas never goes anywhere ever. All he knows about the guy is he has a home and work, and potentially that smarmy cousin's, which Dean still didn't particularly like.

He took his shower and got himself ready, he needed to wear his suit today, so that meant picking out his favourite belt buckle to give at least a little sense of himself to the otherwise almost monotonous plain suit garb that passes for FBI appropriate attire. Within half an hour Dean set off towards the campus, Cas had agreed to meet him there, the Impala rolled up at the side of the curb putting her in park Dean took out his phone swiped his thumb over it a few times and fired off a text.

**I'm here. Be quick.**

He sat and stared in the direction he expected to see Cas coming from, he hadn't expected a response which is why he chuckled when the phone vibrated.

**I shall be as many moments as it takes to make it from my office to your car. I cannot be any quicker than that Dean.**

Dean sat chuckling; even through this text this guy used more words than necessary. A simple 'on way' or even a 'ok' would have sufficed. He clicked his phone to lock it and set it back down on the dash watching it slide away he was so wrapped up in his phone taking a journey along the dash he hadn't even noticed Cas approaching, which is the only reason he jumped when his car door opened. Because it wasn't surprise that caught him, but the distinct scent of sandal wood incense and cinnamon buns with the dark coffee after thought. Dean smiled and shook his head.

"So office huh? You could have fooled me, you smell like that coffee spot, are you cheating on my pie?" Dean cracked a smile as he waited for Cas to buckle up and then he pushed the car into drive and pulled off.

Cas appeared to blush, he felt his cheeks redden, Dean's tone had created something he did not understand how could it be he was embarrassed by this? He did not know how Dean knew, but he had indeed been in the coffee spot, and the cinnamon rolls were too good to not have at least one. "I was already there when you called, how did you know that?" He paused for a moment and continued on. "I still have room for pie."

Dean grinned now and tapped the steering wheel as he mused over Cas' words. "You must always have room for pie Cas it is rule number one."

Cas looked over at him his eye brow raised he was about to question this logic, as it was hardly rule number one of anything, but who was he to question Dean's belief system, if pie is important to Dean then he has to be accommodating to him. "As you wish Dean, When you called, you mentioned another Murder?"

Dean felt tension creep into his muscles, 'right murder, the serial killer, not the social visit he had lulled himself into before' "I think we have him Cas, we caught the guy doing the actual body dump, he was caught by an anonymous tip who saw him taking the body inside" Dean smiled, he was hoping they have this guy.

Cas was less than agreeable on the subject he made a small sound that signalled his dislike for this situation. "Dean I cannot within reasonable speculation accept that our unsub would allow himself to be caught like this. It does not sit well within the profile we have been building"

"They all slip up eventually Cas, this was just a break. We knew we'd catch one eventually" Dean nods and shakes his head and wonders why Cas is so quick to disbelieve in the evidence.

"Slip up maybe, but this doesn't make sense Dean, I need to see the scene, are we certain this is even the same unsub? Not a copy cat?" Cas asks glancing over to Dean, he let out a slight sigh, something didn't add up.

Dean shook his head, "it is the right MO Cas, trust me, we caught the guy." Dean smiled as they pulled up at the crime scene. "You'll see just come have a look Cas".

Dean slides out the car and Cas follows, they are immediately stopped by the local PD, Dean smiles at her, he knows those soft eyes and that warm smile. "Hey Jody, Where's the old man?" he asks and steps through the tape barrier flashing his ID at the other local officer walking over towards Jody.

Jody smiled at Dean and started to walk them over to the coroner, she glanced to Cas and back to Dean, "And who is this handsome fella, he your new partner Dean?"

Dean smiled and nodded "Yeah this is Cas, he's helping out on the case, Cas this is Jody, Jody this is Cas"

Cas smiled and kept to Dean's side, he felt uncomfortable being here, he did not like the amount of people rushing around and he had nowhere to focus on. He tried to focus on his breathing but this place didn't feel right, even switching to the mind of this killer. Looking around, he saw that there was something off about it and as the body came in to view he instantly knew it. This scene wasn't elaborately staged. This was haphazardly put together and it bothered him. "Dean this isn't the killer, this isn't right." He almost whispers.

Dean glanced at him and shook his head "We caught him Cas, he was dumping the body." Dean almost snapped out the words, he couldn't understand how Cas could dismiss the evidence.

"You boys ok?" Jody asks smiling as the stroll across the open junk yard towards the body. The body lay half on the hood of a rusted out car, arms spread wide and head down on the hood of the car.

"We are fine Jody, Cas just can't add together how we caught the guy, his psycho mumbo jumbo doesn't allow for him to understand how stupid people can get when they think they are untouchable."

Cas huffs and turns away his jaw jutted upwards as he frowns this whole scene did not add up for him, their killer liked elaborate displays in more public places, this, this scene did not add up for him at all. "No Dean, this man is a copycat, a want to be."

"Well, well hello boys" The coroner stood up dusting down his jacket and gives Cas a once over, that left Cas feeling violated and dirty.

"Hello Crowley, how is my not favourite coroner this morning?" Dean half smiled and looked over the body. "So is it the same or not?"

Cas stared at the body, it didn't make sense, the ligature marks were correct, the wounds identical, the same exact precision as the killer they are searching for, everything was perfect too perfect, right down to the intricate designs etched into skin. But this scene didn't make sense. Cas wanted to interview the suspect. He actually wanted to talk to him. He needed to be sure, because everything else was so contradictory he couldn't reconcile his profile with this that was before him.

Crowley had been talking the entire time to Dean but Cas didn't hear anything. Not until he heard Crowley saying the time of death, it had been almost 36 hours the body had been moved into this position post mortem, and this got Cas' mind thinking. Not that Dean was willing to listen to him. He wondered why he was here at all.

Dean turned to Cas placing his hand on his shoulder pulling Cas out of his thoughts once more. "Local PD are taking the suspect down to FBI headquarters down town, thought we'd swing by pick up some coffee and pie and go talk to this guy what do you think Cas?"

Cas nodded vaguely aware of what Dean was asking him but he was too interested in this scene, this junk yard spoke volumes about the suspect who brought the body here. This was a different view on his victim all together. The other killer treated each body as a work of art, his masterpiece, his showcase, but this here. This was a dumping ground the person bringing the body here despised what he had done. The killer who dumped here viewed the victim as nothing more than waste. The victim was worthless and inconsequential to his needs. This was not what Cas was expecting not at all. Cas knew Dean and Crowley were talking but he didn't care to listen the name and age of the victim meant very little to him. He needed to think harder about this.

Cas stood lost in his mind, lost in the scene and too much didn't make sense if he was honest this whole situation was beginning to give him a headache. Just as Dean was about to take Cas and leave a tall gangly looking young man came galloping over saying they had found something, he lead the way over to where another young man was diligently working. Cas surmised he could like this astute worker who did not stop not even when they arrived he continued on with is task.

The tall young man made Dean smile, he's known Garth for a while and he was a pretty decent forensic investigator. Garth always had a smile and seemed to always want to please Dean. This made Dean smile at him and praise him a lot, he couldn't help himself looking over at Cas who was both looking confused and pissed off at the same time, it made him want to chuckle as almost any expression on Cas' face was priceless. Dean shook his head thinking 'Good Lord not now'. Dean gruffed to himself he really didn't need any of this fuzzy feelings crap whilst at work. Cas was his partner, well he guessed this might be the last time he see's Cas for a while but he wasn't going to think about that. He needed to be elated that they caught the guy.

Cas stared at the scene before him, watching Dean interact easily with everyone and he felt himself closing in the distance between himself and Dean the closer he stood to Dean the less the outer world bothered him, he latched onto the cold dark that Dean presented him with. It was peaceful, it was so different from the world around him, he wanted to climb inside it and stay there, he found himself moving where Dean moved he didn't even think about it, he just followed the feeling. He found himself for a moment wondering if he will feel the same when face to face with the serial killer. But Cas laughed dryly and reminded himself that Dean is nothing like a serial killer, he was cold but warm, he was the pleasant darkness that chased away all the brightness that set Cas' teeth on edge. He was suddenly aware of four sets of eyes on him and Dean's more than any others showed true concern the others just looked shocked and confused.

"You ok there buddy?" Dean asked placing his hand on his shoulder, Cas' dry laugh had taken them all by surprise but as he looked at Cas he wasn't even sure Cas was aware he had done it. He turned to the others and dismissed them all and put his attention back on Cas, squeezing his shoulder he waited a moment to see if Cas would respond to him.

Cas nodded and offered the best smile he could muster in this place. "Yes Dean I assure you everything is fine." He was proud of himself he didn't let his voice wavier as he spoke he looked Dean right in the eye and nodded. "Are we leaving now?"

"Uh? Yeah sure thing Cas" Dean replied he went to shake his head but he just turned and walked away instead, in the few weeks he'd know Cas, he'd learned not to question him too much, he knew if Cas was going to tell you something he would tell it to you he saw no point in beating around the bush.

Dean and Cas walked back over to the Impala and Cas smiled a genuine smile as they reached her and Dean didn't miss it, he didn't comment on it either but he felt a sense of accomplishment that Cas viewed his baby as a place he could be happy to get too. He knew it had more to do with the safe confines of nothing that it presented Cas with rather than it being 'his' Baby, but still Dean felt a sense of pride and found himself grinning too.

This didn't escape Cas' attention either as he asked about it the moment they were both in the car and belted up.

"Are you pleased the case is coming to a close then Dean?" Cas asked because it was the only summation he could make working on what little information he had. He had nothing else to equate to the agents happiness.

Dean shook his head as he started up his Baby's engine and pulls off away from the scene to drive the few blocks to the diner they had previously decided upon. "I'm pleased we'd caught the guy, it means a few less bodies turning up around the streets of NYC but, I'll have another case on my desk before night fall, it is what it is I suppose." He shrugged and stared out to the road. "What about you? Happy to be done with the case Cas?"

"I am not as certain as you are that this case is as wrapped up as you think it is Dean, there are too many variables that do not equate to this suspect being your actual serial killer." Cas said staring over at Dean, who he watched carefully.

Dean's shoulders slumped a little and his grip on the wheel tightened, he couldn't work out what Cas' problem is, they caught the guy, on scene with the body laying it out for all to see. It was a done deal. "Well whatever the variables are it does not matter, the evidence is stacking against him, and if he confesses what then Cas?"

"If he confesses then I will want to be there with you, I want to know every detail." Cas says his voice sharp and accusing. He truly did not believe this was the killer, that they were looking for, not at all.

"You know what Cas, you come and sit in on it, and watch him tell you every detail then will you believe him? I feel it Cas, we have the guy" Dean huffed and pulled up at the diner and sliding out the car.

Cas shook his head and climbed out with him, he knew what Dean was like when he had an idea in his head. And no amount of his reasoning was going to sway him, so he'd save his breath on it for now, he would argue his case later. He followed Dean into the diner and took a seat opposite him in the booth. "What is today's pie special Dean?"

Dean wanted to smile but he wouldn't let himself, he knew Cas was not done with voicing his opinion and he also knew he was using pie to bridge over the awkward tension between them. He looked to the board and back to Cas he almost felt like telling Cas to find out for himself but he knew Cas, this was all he knew. So he'd be understanding with him, he didn't know why he should be. Cas is different sure, and he has gotten under his skin but why should he be given preferential treatment to which his mind sighed 'because it's Cas' and that was that he smiled and chirped "Blueberry pie today Cas"

* * *

The interrogation room was sterile and cold and it reminded Cas to much of the hospital ward at New York Presbyterian, he involuntarily shivered as the memories sent cold shivers down his spine. Everything was cold and left him with a metallic taste in his mouth memories of doctors checking he had taken his medication, having nurses poking and prodding at him left him feeling queasy. He was about to leave when he thought of Dean, the cool gaze of his was even having a soothing effect from afar now.

He looked around the room Dean had left him in it as he went down to holding to collect the suspect, it had transpired this suspects name was Gordon Walker. Cas was almost anxious to meet him, to learn if this was indeed the killer they were searching for, even if for Dean it was a done deal it most certainly not so for Cas.

Dean walked back into the room and sat the suspect down in front of Cas and introduced Cas to Gordon. The moment Cas regarded Gordon he was almost a hundred percent positive this was not the killer. His fingernails are chewed back to almost nothing, his facial hair was unkempt and his whole attire was that of a man who had spent many days with the same clothing on. This is not the man Cas had profiled as the killer how could he possibly be so wrong with his profile? This surely is not the correct man. He pulled the file Dean had on the desk towards him and opened it reading it quickly looking up to Gordon and almost angrily growling out a question. "Where is your blade?"

Dean looked at Cas and placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. "Rein it in Doctor Novak we will get to that."

Gordon looked between the two of them and said "I want to make my confession do you not want to know how I did it."

Cas shook his head and slammed his fist down his rage and anger towards this liar getting the better of him. "Liar. Where is your blade, it was not with you and it was not within your car. Where is it?"

Dean shook his head and gripped Cas by the elbow turning to Gordon "Give us a moment and I'll get you the camcorder to record your confession." Dean walked Cas out the room and glared at him. "What the fuck is wrong with you Cas?"

Cas glared at Dean pointing towards the room they were just in. "That man is a liar, he does not fit the profile. He does not even know where his blade is, he is just some low life who wants to take credit for work that isn't even his."

Dean ground his teeth and glared past Cas. "Look he was found with the body, he wants to confess, Section chief is going to go to press with this before the day is out Cas, so just let it go. We got the guy, so what the profiles off, it's not science you did the best with what you had to go on, don't worry about it."

"I am not worried for myself Dean, I am concerned for the poor victims who will die at the true SK's backlash at someone trying to steal his work." Cas growled almost in Deans face the cold emptiness that washes over him making him angrier as his fear does not cripple him, he just stands nose to nose with Dean almost yelling at him. "I do not care for him, or this place, but I assure you Dean, if that man cannot give you the murder weapon he is not your killer. If he tries to tell you he threw it away he is lying! You have to believe me."

Dean huffs and shakes his head. "Cas drop it. Just accept it for what it is. The guy isn't what you thought he was. But if the evidence collates to his story then I am sorry Cas but this is the guy."

"You are all idiots. How can you not see a charlatan when you see one?" He yells now his voice laced with anger and agitation.

Dean turns away from him and shakes his head. "Get out of here now Cas before I have you escorted out of here." He walks off to go and collect the camcorder to tape Gordon's confession.

* * *

Dean was sat leaning on the bar stool talking to the bartender, Charles well Chuck now, he used to be his pastor when he was in the army. Despite everything, Dean trusted him with things. He knew he could sit in this small dive of a bar and he would never think a thing about the stuff Dean came out with; Dean asked for shot after shot, the confession he took from Gordon bothered him. Of course, it was all over the news and it was pissing him off, he couldn't escape it, and he should be happy but he isn't because Cas' words ran through him cold and harsh. Cas was right Gordon had no murder weapon to offer them, and Dean knew Cas was right, he had known all along but part of him was too stubborn to give in. He should have had his partners back but instead he alienated him, he placed his phone on the bar top and contemplated calling Cas, but the more he thought about it the angrier and more pissed off he got. Cas should have stayed. Cas should not have left, yes he asked him to leave but that didn't mean Cas should have left. Cas should have apologised and they should be having drinks together right now. But no he is sat alone in bar questioning too much.

Dean hated these moments as he asked Chuck to keep the drinks coming and Chuck obliged, Dean asked if it was a good idea for an alcoholic to run a bar and he just shrugged. Not everyone dealt with what happened back in Afghan, but Chuck took it hard. Really hard, Dean looked at him and felt for him, he looked a mess, but that's not to say he ever really had it together. He looked around the mostly empty bar and asked if they could turn the TV over to sport, he was tired of seeing the news. He couldn't take another reminder of how he had failed his partner today. He knew he had to call Cas, but he didn't want too. He would wait, Cas could wait. He didn't need to call him right now, Cas would still be there tomorrow, tonight was about Dean.

"Whatever you did doesn't have an answer at the bottom on the glass Dean"

"Sure it does, the bottom of the glass leads to moments of serenity" Dean quipped

"It also leads to regretful decisions and dangerous actions." Chuck chided.

"Well maybe I need a little more regret in my life Father." Dean mumbled running his finger around the rim of the empty glass and motioned to Chuck for another.

"Not your Father Dean, Stopped taking confessions, I hung that up when I left you know this…" He paused and shook his head. "Don't you think you've had enough. Surely what you need is to actually talk to this person, you can't treat your phone like the enemy all night, you might as well call them and at least air your feelings Dean. Or am I to call Sam?"

"Naw come on Chuck, no spoiling my fun. I don't need Sammy I am good, I just needed a few drinks to celebrate the major fuck up I see coming our way."

"Well drinking isn't your answer Dean. Now get out of here before I call your brother." Chuck took the glass away and held out his hand. "Key's you're not driving in that state."

"I ain't. I will go for a walk first, I'll go grab me a burger, I'll be fine before I walk home, scouts honour"

Chuck nodded. "Ok, just be careful, but Dean, you were never a scout so just take care of yourself."

Dean thanked Chuck for his counsel and Chuck tried to remind Dean that he wasn't his priest anymore and he wouldn't take his confessions any longer. But Dean interjected for as long as he paid for drinks Chuck would take any confession he felt like supplicating. Dean gathered his items and exited the bar and decided he needed a brisk walk to walk off the alcohol he had been drinking before he'd get behind the wheel of baby.

He walked through the park opposite the bar, hardly pay much attention to anything, he knew what he wanted and what he needed, he just hoped he could find one. He knew given enough hours he'd find just the person he was looking for, someone who was nothing like hard lines and no blue eyes. He didn't want that. Not today. He needed escape and nothing more. He wandered the park and eventually found what he was looking for, he walked over and took a seat next to them.

"Hello, My names Tony Rogers and you are?" Dean flashed them a smile and watched as there drug hazed eyes turned upon him, and Dean knew he had just what he wanted right here….


	5. So it goes

Summary: About time for some brotherly bonding, revelations and a stalker?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Dean sat in his dining room, his arms rested upon his mahogany table, the terracotta walls brought a cool warmth to this room, the frames of his Vonnegut prints adorned the walls. This was possibly his favorite room in the house, the book in his hand was beginning to feel heavy, he had been sat there a while. He stared at the patch of carpet on the floor by the door to the hallway. The noise coming from under his floorboard bothered him; not because he did not know what it was but because he knew what it was and he was unsure how he wanted to precede. He hesitated doing something because his nerves were still frayed from the previous days encounter with the suspect and Cas. Just thinking about Cas had an unwanted effect of his psyche and he did not want to dwell on that fact. He walked over to the corner leaning down and running his fingers along the carpet pulling back from the corner near the door and then hooking his fingers into two corners he lifted the floorboards up and stared down into the six-foot deep three-foot wide four-foot long hole and smirked.

"I thought I told you to shut up or do you need the hose again?" Dean glared down into the darkness where the man who was crunched into the corner stared up at him, he could still see the half-glazed look in his eyes and Dean shook his head and closed it over. He had sound proofed and padded that small cell of his. It served its purpose as a waiting station of sorts, until he could decide what to do with them.

Dean turned back to his dining table after closing the hole back over and cleared off his breakfast, he took his dishes through to his kitchen and picked up his jacket and left for work. He had all of the paper work to complete today and he needed to talk to Bobby about what is next. He had no idea on if he needed to call Cas or what. But he knew he needed to talk with Bobby first and then tonight he could see Sam and forget about everything and have some good brotherly bonding time. He had missed Sam as of late, this case had took up most of his time, so maybe tonight they'd hit the movies and go for ice cream. He knew Sammy was not a child any more, but sometimes Dean needed to have that moment where he and Sammy are as they were.

His day was almost pointless, he sat behind his desk and he absolutely detested it. Then just as he was about to clear out for lunch his phone was starting to weigh heavy in his pocket, or least in his mind it felt like a heavy presence. He still had not contacted Cas, and if he were honest he was expecting Cas to contact him, but he knew Cas wouldn't. Cas would not see a reason too Dean had sent him away, and Dean knew Cas well enough now to know he should not have handled him like that. He was just about to bite his pride and call when an email popped up and left him staring at the screen.

**From: WildBobTralfamadore **

**To: .gov**

**Subject: Secret places**

**I found them, huddled cold and lonely so I gave them a friend; I hope you do not mind. **

**So it goes.**

Dean stared at the email for a moment, it did not make sense at all, what was this person talking about there was no way anyone knew anything about what he did in his spare time, this must just be cryptic junk mail and nothing more. He certainly wasn't going to keep it or think of it for a second longer. He closed the window down and pushed himself up off his desk. He walked through the offices and down towards the break room, wanting to get himself a coffee. He stood with his back to the counter trying to do anything but think of the email. He pulled out his phone and swiped it open starting a message;

**Hey Sammy, bowling later I'll pick you up at 4? **He types and sends hoping to get out of here earlier than that, but he knows Sammy can be busy at times and asking for a 2pm late lunch then spending all evening together would raise Sam's suspicions, he would pick up something was wrong 4pm is perfect.

**Can't do 4. Make it 5 and loser buys the ice cream sundaes.**

Dean smiled over the "sundaes" it appeared Sam remembered that much, but five o'clock, that extra hour felt like a dauntingly long time. It was only just one, he had time to waste and he hoped for no immediate action cases to cross his desk. He sipped his coffee and typed back.

**I'll pick you up at work I will be there for 4.30. make your last patient go home early tell him he's cured, then call back next week with an error, blame your receptionist, what's her name again? Jane? Tess? **

He chuckles to himself and shakes his head walking back through the offices towards his own at the far end corner of the floor, walking inside almost smiling as he feels his pocket vibrate.

**Her names is Jessica Dean! And I finish at 4.45 do not interrupt me! No excuses Dean, not all my patients will believe you are a teddy bear doctor.**

Dean laughs as he reads it sitting back in his chair spinning it around as he turned to stare out the window, he types of his reply as he thinks of someone else he needs to talk to also.

**Alright I shall wait in the waiting room for you, you know how I love your dusty old magazines. Plus Jessica will keep me company.**

He pauses a moment and writes out a more sincere message to Cas.

**Cas, about yesterday, you know man, it's ok. I think you are, well... you know… **He hits send and adds a little more.

**That's not the guy we are after. Anyway I didn't want.. you know? I, just… Just let me know that you understand me buddy? **He hits send again and shakes his head wishing you could erase messages because he is rambling like a fool right now and he has no idea why.

**Cas man let me know you are ok. **He hits send and this time he turns his chair and dumps his phone in his desk draw an pulls across his desk the pile of paper work, that maybe at a push he can force himself to focus on for a few hours.

The time ticks by slowly but no immediate actions cross his desk so he gets up taking his phone out the draw along with his keys for baby and his wallet and clocks out knowing if he's needed there will be a call. He arrives at Sam's place at four thirty. He sits out front of the surgery and home of his younger brother and muses for a moment about how proud of him he is. They went their separate ways when Dean enlisted, he wasn't in a good place all he could think of after Dad passed was that he had to do something. So Dean joined the rangers. And lost himself in hunting down evil or rather known terrorists in the Middle East. He was a perfect sniper; he had no remorse for taking life it never bothered him, but it only partially every sated his desire for the kill. No amount of hunts through unknown terrain made any difference; in the end all he wanted was that life between his cross hairs deciding the moment to end their existence. The adrenaline rush he felt during that time was and is nothing compared to the rush he has achieved now. The only time he ever truly feels anything is when he is with Sam, or when he has his victim upon his rack. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and climbed out the car, he was walking over towards the front entrance when he caught sight of the figure that made him stop in his tracks. He had come to know that tan over coat anywhere. What on earth was Cas doing here, he went to call out but froze, Cas was ok and hadn't replied to him. Obviously Cas wanted nothing more to do with him. Dean shrugged it off, after all what did he care? Cas 'was' a work partnership that ended the moment the case ended. Dean rolled his eyes and turned towards the building climbing the steps a few at a time a smile plastered on his face and he walked inside winking and leaning upon the reception desk as he got there.

"Afternoon Jess, Was that Sam's last patient?" He gave her his best smile and moved his head towards the door.

Jessica smiled back. "Yes is was Dean, why don't you take a seat Sam will be right out" She looked back down and returned to logging out and shutting down for the day.

* * *

Cas returned home, his messages from Dean had done little to sway his feelings on the matter at hand, it is why he had called Samuel to request help with his situation he did not know how to reconcile these emotions and he did not know what was an acceptable response given the situation. Samuel had helped to a certain degree, Cas now understood he should reply to Dean, but Samuel would not tell him what to say in return. And Cas did not know what to say so he returned to his small town house walking inside towards his kitchen opening the fridge taking out a bottle of water, before walking through to his living room crossing the insignificant space and falling into his small chair. He twists the cap off the water taking a sip, leaning back into his chair to get comfortable, as he takes out his phone and tries writing out a message to Dean.

**Dean, thank you for your concern but I assure you I am fine. I do not require your efforts to placate me.**

**I have nothing to say to you right now Dean.**

**I am fine. You know this already stop trying to make yourself feel better**

**You hurt me with your words I thought you were different.**

**Dean, please do not worry about me, I am aware of the outcome you do not need to pretend to agree with me now.**

**Do not worry about it Dean, everything is fine. My office door is open should you require a consult again.**

Cas eventually hits send and puts his phone down on the small table beside him and sits back allowing the silence to surround him in and pull him under, allowing his breathing to become his soul response his mind starting to drift.

_'It's ok Cassie, it will always be ok, You know I will always be here just a phone call away'_

His heart constricted and everything became tight, his world was spinning and he did not know what to do, or who to turn to, he felt pain surging through him as the emptiness around him became more than a void, it became bright, brash and harsh. Screaming parents as his Father yelled at his mother, his Sister Anna holding him tight as she was leaving, her bags by her feet as she cradled him to her chest.

"You lied, you left me alone with them, I had nothing" Cas muttered into the empty space around him.

_'We will always have each other Cassie, time and space will not keep us apart, if you need anything just call me_'

"I cannot call you, not any more Anna, you are gone." He sighed and tried to force back the feelings he had, it wasn't fair. "All I have now is a grave to which you never reply from"

Cas muttered as memories of his sister telling him it was ok flooded his senses, he wished it was true, he wished he could pick up his phone and have his sister make everything alright. But she was gone, taken from him; a drunk driver took his sister away. He looked at the clock and considered going to see her, her grave always offered him peace from his thoughts. That was before he met Dean, and now he wanted nothing more than to be close to that source of emptiness.

But Dean had turned like all the others, he only pretended to care to get something from him and now he was of no use he was to be casted aside and that bothered him more than it should. He stared at his phone and knew it was stupid to expect a reply, he reached down the side of the chair and pulled up his laptop, perhaps he would find something of use on the internet to numb his senses.

He didn't want to think of his Fathers harsh words, he didn't want to see his Mothers sad disappointed eyes as they pushed him past his peers and then continued to punish him for not being socially acceptable. They did this to him they pushed him to finish school before any other, he jumped ahead in school and finished at the same time as his cousin who is almost seven years his senior. Balthazar was the only one who understood him, but he only understood part of him. He did not think anyone would ever truly understand him, the world span around him, thoughts of people, face taunted him he felt his chest tighten and he gripped his laptop tight trying to count his breathing to remain conscious.

He thought of Dean, he knew Dean and Anna would have been friends, Anna would have liked Dean he made Cas feel safe and for a short time wanted. Anna would have liked that Dean. The one Cas intends to keep in his memory citadel for when he needs to get through something. Not right now though Dean's harsh words still cut through him and he didn't want to think of anything. Not where Dean is concerned. Dean was an enigma and with that he knows, he cannot share it and perhaps not even Dean would understand him even if he did.

Cas turned on his laptop and logged into the university server to check upon the messaging board to see if his students had any questions for him, he could allow himself this, to become lost within his work.

* * *

Sam watched as Dean walked up and swung his ball down the alley laughing as he hit a split. He sat observing sipping his beer, and thinking over his brothers actions. He knows he shouldn't they are family, but it is hard to shut it off and Castiel had confessed some pretty profound information too him, only of course he had no idea Sam was Dean's brother and Sam didn't know it was Dean until it was too late. And Dean's attitude all made sense, Dean was being irresponsible because in his eyes Castiel let him down, Castiel left before even letting Dean cool down. But Sam had listened to Castiel and he knew how he felt and he knew exactly the type of stubborn ass his brother could be, he almost felt sorry for Castiel, but at the same time he knew his brother better than anyone. He knew Dean would not have done what Castiel said he did without provocation and cause.

"Wha'cha thinking Sammy…?"

Sam pulled his bitch face number 27 and shook his head. "It's Sam… and I was just thinking about this afternoon"

"Oh yeah, what about that? Aside from the fact that you been shrink-dink to my partner for what four years?" Dean quirked and picked up his beer drinking it.

Sam stared at Dean now as he stood and picked up his ball. "You know what Dean, you are such a child. I have known Castiel four years, you have known him four weeks, do not lecture me on my job. I did not even know you knew him, he has never mentioned your name in any sessions with me" Sam turned and took his ball and lined up to take his shot, he realized the moment he saw Deans face twitch he had chosen the wrong words.

Dean huffs and downed his beer and sat down staring at his rental shoes grumbling about it all. "Four weeks and I know him better than you do" he muses and he thinks about how Cas was with him and how he didn't know what he was to do now. He knew he didn't want to think about Cas right now so he waited until Sam was about to bowl. "So that Jess, you, ah, hitting that?"

Sam stumbles his shot and it makes Dean laugh hard he didn't even need Sam to answer. "That's my boy" Dean grins and orders more beers and some food through the bowling console.

"She is my girlfriend Dean, she has been for quite a while now" Sam smiled as he turned to his brother, and Dean couldn't help his own smile growing he felt proud and happy for him.

"Well look at you, who'd a thought you'd ever settle down, I thought you were all work and no play, you been holding out on me Sammy. Next time Jess is coming out with us and we'll go for a proper meal ok?" Dean smiled at Sam, as he let this happiness seep into his bones, this was something he could be happy about. This is what it was about, knowing his brother was happy and safe.

"Yeah yeah Dean, I am sure you'll meet Jess eventually. I haven't been all work with her for a few weeks now" Sam grinned and Dean could see it, he was truly happy.

It reminded him of the way their mom used to smile at him when he was just a boy. Sammy looked more like Mom than he did, Dean looked like John but he liked that. His Dad was and still is his hero. And he'll follow his Fathers' orders even now. It took him a few years to come around but even when he was drafted and overseas he kept an eye on Sammy from afar and made sure the boy never wanted for anything.

"Well you best introduce us like a good little brother all official, I don't care if I already know her, she has to meet me officially as your girlfriend." Dean winks and gets up to take his shot, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Sam suddenly bursts out laughing as the song playing from Dean's pocket is priceless, Dean's face fell, it was Cas who was texting him, he knew that alert and it was associated with Cas he almost fumbled his shot as a flush crept up over his face. He turned to tell Sam to cram it but Sam was now singing

"Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me. C'mon, fire me up. Pour your sugar on me. Oh, I can't get enough…" Sam gripped his sides as he sang along. "Dude that is priceless, seriously that is your alert tone?"

Dean laughed flustered as he was he wanted to keep seeing Sam like this, it was balm for his soul he pulled his phone out and shook his head. "Sam you do not wish to know what type of alert I have for you" He reads his message and types back

**Ok Cas, well doesn't have to be just work related. We have just discovered the place with the best pie?**

He sent it and flipped it on silent and put his phone back into his pocket and turned back to enjoying his time with his brother. They finished up bowling and Dean put all thoughts of Cas behind him. They ate their burgers much to Sam's dismay he said he would have to run all night because of it, but Dean made him indulge with him. After all, they only met up once a week and most of the time it was for a brief bite to eat, days like this were rare. They had phone calls though and Dean knew Sam was busy just as he was. It was not always easy to find time where they were both off at the same time.

Dean lost the bowling match and Dean blames Sam's constant jibing about pouring some sugar on places that made Dean's game drop. But Dean demanded a rematch and next time he said it was all out warfare. No holds barred on the next bowling encounter. Sam agreed but mostly because Dean took him to get ice cream, and between the two of them they had finished five sundaes. Sam was going to question about Dean's lack of pie but he knew already and he just sat there smirking at him knowingly, which pissed Dean off no end and he was determined to find a way to get his own back and just as they were parting for the night Dean had the perfect idea.

* * *

Dean returns home and instantly the email flashed into his mind, he had pushed it out his mind all day, he felt his blood run cold, how could another have been in here? How could anyone know anything? This wasn't a game no one should be in his house. He stalked through to his dining room and stared at the corner he did and didn't want to open it. What is it's nothing and there is nothing in there and he let a stupid junk email get to him. He would feel like fool. He shrugged it off and walked over to his drinks cabinet and opened the doors taking down his bottle of Glenmorangie (18 Years Old single malt); and pours himself a large double before turning to take a seat back at his table. He sits there for a moment and notices one of his books open on the table, he almost growls reaching for it, the first thing he notices are the words that had been whispering in his ear all day.

'So it goes'

Dean couldn't believe it, he felt rage surge through him. He had been challenged a gauntlet laid down, he crossed the room pulling back the carpet and floorboards and almost yelps when he sees in the bottom on the hole with the man is a giant fucking stuffed animal. A squirrel of all things. Dean tried to logic where it had come from but there was only one answer.

The email, whoever sent it knew his secret and they had for the time being at least decided upon keeping it. That had a multitude of possibilities and Dean did not like thinking the odds surrounding each one, but thoughts amassed within his conscious thoughts all of which were unwelcome, they we're admiring his work, and after all who knew many others like them who understood what they did. Perhaps this was an invitation to friendship or maybe it was a threat. Either way they knew too much, and they were going to have to be stopped at any cost.

Dean slammed the door down and covered the carpet over, he'd deal with him later right now, right this moment he needed to reply to this email. He walked into his living room and sat in his recliner picking up his laptop and booting it up. With only one thought in mind. Emailing this miscreant back. But he paused and considered the implications of using his work email so he spent five minutes setting himself up a new email address.

**From: SoitgoesWhatsYoursIsMine **

**To: WildBobTralfamadore **

**Subject: RE: Secret places**

**WB**

**I do not know who "you" are, or what you think you are hoping to accomplish coming into my home, but if you do this, again I shall break your neck.**

**Or maybe you are a member of my Karass?**

**Zah-mah-ki-bo**

**Bokononist D.**

Dean sent the email and felt all his muscles in his body relax, he stared at the screen for a few moments as he thought about the squirrel and he wondered just what was going to happen now? Would Dean even hear from him again? He should be panicking, he should be moving the body away and worrying out police turning up on his door, but he is not. He has a sense of calmness and an almost state euphoria as he contemplates what is coming his way. He takes a moment to pull out his phone and see's his reply from Cas. Which only serves to heighten is mood. He knows his itch is growing under his skin and this is only a fleeting moment and once it passes Dean will have much to confront but as on right now he is just going to ride out this high.

**Pie sounds wonderful Dean, We shall see each other again I have no doubt about that, this case is not done, you shall see.**

Ok so maybe his high would crash sooner than he expected Cas and his outlook on everything he held his phone in hand as was about to reply as he heard his laptop signal he had received an email.

He sat back and pulled his laptop to him wondering what "WB" had to say now.

Notes: Most of the emails and up coming emails are taking quotes from Vonnegut's work such as "Slaughterhouse five" and "Cats cradle". I'll add notes to anything that might require an explanation to help things along. Or if you think it will help I can work the explanation into the actual chapter? Bokononism is a fictitious religion invented by Kurt Vonnegut and practiced by many of the characters in his novel Cat's Cradle. Many of the sacred texts of Bokononism were written in the form of calypsos. Bokononism is based on the concept of foma, which are defined as harmless untruths. A foundation of Bokononism is that the religion, including its texts, is formed entirely of lies; however, one who believes and adheres to these lies will have peace of mind, and perhaps live a good life. The primary tenet of Bokononism is to "Live by the foma that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy." A Karass is a group of people linked in a cosmically significant manner, even when superficial links are not evident.  
Zah-mah-ki-bo means, fate, inevitable destiny. If you have more questions please do not hesitate to ask, I'd love some feed back.


	6. The Ruler the killer

Summary:

Sometimes things just do not go the way you planned it, and mistakes are made but you can always fix it, right? At least Dean hopes so.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

The news broke around six in the morning, Dean couldn't believe his eyes, his phone beside him hadn't stopped ringing for the last half an hour, but he was staring at the news.

**'New York Serial Killer still at large; he has struck again. This time apparently with evidence left behind claiming the previous body found as his also. Is this a backlash to FBI incompetence to catch the correct man?'**

Dean grunted and dragged himself out of bed, as soon as he got the first call he had turned the news on. Since then he had stayed in bed watching the news coverage, he knew he needed to move and get down there; but part of him was not looking forward to the press backlash, nor having to contact Cas with his tail truly between his legs.

He forced himself up to take a shower, he needed his muscles to relax but it was not working, none of this was going to work, there was only one stress relief he knew. That was the sweet relief of having the person under his will, submitting to all he has to offer. The pain he feels is like a cramping sensation within his brain, he feels suffocated and he wants to be let out. He needs to be let out, the only thing that staves him right now, is the knowing feeling he has within him, that he has someone, someone who could sate his need right now. They lay within his floorboards within his home, this thought soothed him a little.

That is when it hits him, like a punch to the gut, the air leaving his lungs in a rush as he gasps to take another one, almost diving out the shower, the email. The reply from "WB". His quirky response had left him questioning, was he truly being threatened or is this enlightened being trying to offer an invitation to play? He wrapped a towel around himself shutting off the shower and walking over to the laptop running his fingers over the mouse pad, staring at it as it lights up, the email staring at him as he reads part of it over again. Some points sticking out to him.

**_ "…All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. With this in mind, would it not be possible to exist on past events reliving them as they are now? …. Or are we designed with the drive of action, where one action cancels out another replacing the old with new, each new sensation sweeter than the last? ….. Or are your senses dull and nothing compares to the first? ….Could you make something sweeter than the first? ….Things die, all things die. So it goes…"_ **

The realization that this person is toying with him makes him feel uneasy but there is a thrill to it, the challenge, he knew he had to reply. He had read the email over countless times last night and he knew he would reply soon enough. Right now, he needed to get dressed and go and see Cas, with his tail between his legs, of all the things he must do today, this is possibly the one he has the worst feeling surrounding, this was not going to be easy. Dean hated admitting he was wrong and what was even worse was that he had been so bull headed on the subject and took it all out on Cas when all Cas tried to do was his job. This was going to be awkward he only hoped Cas let it pass without too much fuss.

Dean got himself ready, he was standing over the corner in his dining room, he took a moment to root himself here. To allow his present feelings of needing to feel life leave a body from his hands, to end the suffering and torment of a soul to end, the itch under his skin that he could not escape or deny. The need that was creeping to the surface he had to let it seep from his bones down into the pit below. He needed this to be over. He needed to wrap the case up so he could get to work on his own needs and compulsions. But for now he used the knowledge that he had a 'demon' to work over, to wash over him and stave his need for blood for now. He took one look around the room, and involuntarily shivered. Someone else had been in his home, knew his secret, this made his blood run cold he had to get out the house and leave those thoughts for when he could do something about them, something that mattered. He was considering going to see the young tech analyst Kevin, he had met him a few times over this case out on the field, he considered his abilities and wondered if he could track down this would be tormentor.

He pulled himself from his thoughts and reached for the keys hanging beside the door ensuring to pick up the impala keys and not the Toyota keys. He left his home his head held high and his emotions cooled and calmed from the knowledge that tonight he could take out his 'demon' and ends its suffering. He drove across town towards the university campus in a steady haze, he didn't want to think. If he thought about everything too much, he would never have made it as far as he had. However, the moment he stood four strides away from Cas' office he stopped still. He stared ahead; he did not know what type of reception awaited him. He took in a breath and decided it did not matter. This was not about him and Cas, this was about working through this case to find the actual killer.

He stepped into the office without knocking and instantly regretted it. "Morning Cas" He chirped and hoped the look of desperation on Cas' face had nothing to do with him, he chided himself mentally, about that he didn't care, this was a work partner, who cares if they do not look like they have slept. It isn't his problem as long as Cas can do his job nothing else matters.

The usually bright blue eyes looked up at him a tired gaze feel upon him and he was ready for a witty remark or something more than, "Ah, I have been expecting you"

Dean stared at him a moment, "Yeah? So, you ready to roll, we've another scene to get too and they wanted us there, yesterday so we better move it"

Cas stared at Dean and he knew what Cas was about to say before he said it "The crime scene was not there yesterday Dean."

He let out and exasperated sigh "Figure of speech Cas just means they want us there already, so come on pack your shit and let's go"

Cas paused he regarded Dean and looked back down at the desk. "I do not think that is wise Dean, obviously you do not trust my judgement so why would you request my assistance again?"

Dean balked; he was ready to yell at Cas for being a pedantic bastard but he stopped himself as his hand ran through his hair shaking his head. "Cas, I made a mistake, we have been through this already. Now pack up what you need and come with me."

Cas refused to look up from the table and it made Deans jaw twitch taught and his heart was racing, he felt guilt? Or something like it, he had done this and this was his mistake. "Look Cas, it was a mistake to not listen to you, now I am telling you, I need you."

Cas finally looked up and Dean appeared to relax, his shoulders slumped down even though Cas was still sat as if he had a rod up his ass, that fact almost made Dean crack a smile but he knew he should not, so he kept his stoic expression and waited. "I am of no use Dean, I am broken, a cursed member of your team." Cas nodded to Dean and returned to staring at a paper on his desk.

"Rather have you, cursed or not. So get up or do I need to drag you up?" Dean said as he took one-step forward and that was enough for Cas to spring up out of his chair his eyes now locked on to Dean's as he moved around his desk. Cas moved in a fluid motion and positioned himself behind his desk against the book case. Dean shook his head. "Come on Cas, it's your job to come with me, so just come with me."

Cas' eyes finally left Deans and he just stared at the space between them. "Then I shall accompany you to the scene." He moved around his desk collecting his things, "not that I am any use" he muttered as he looked up standing right within Deans personal space and they were eye to eye, Cas sucked in a breath as he stared into green eyes.

Dean was about to step back, about to tell Cas he needs to move, but he froze in situ just staring back at Cas. He could see Cas trying to work something out, so he let him, until the gaze became uncomfortable, like Cas was seeing right through him. That Cas could somehow see through to the darkness to the unerring desire he holds for taking away and correcting the paths of the tyranny of man, those demons within. He cleared his throat and stepped back. "Personal space Cas we spoke about this." He stepped back a little until Cas' stare stopped feeling like a soul-oscopy.

Cas merely nodded and turned his gaze elsewhere "shall we leave now? I do believe you expressed their desire for us to have been there yesterday, I am afraid I left my time machine behind so shall we leave?"

Dean chuckled he was formal again, and slightly sassy, Dean could deal with that, anything was better than awkward silence and long soul searching stares. "Trust you to be the only Delorean I find who's got a broken flux capacitor" Dean quipped happily and followed Cas out of the office.

"I do not understand that reference Dean" Cas murmured as they walked out towards Dean's Car. His comment earned him a half-hearted laugh from Dean who placed his hand on his should and snickered.

"You will…"

* * *

When they arrived at the crime scene Cas surveyed the area and instantly knew this was the work of the unsub. The area was more of a display area, the props used made it clear he wanted this body found with a calling card no less of his last victim. He may as well left his confession on federal plaza, this victim looked across Jamaica bay, the Belt parkway rushing by behind him. Cas felt his insides draw him towards the edge leaning on the open fence he closed his eyes and let his mind get to work. Questioning why here when Canarsie Park was right behind them.

He knew Dean was busy talking to Crowley and Garth, he recognised them from before he could hear them talking but today he tuned them out, he focused and turned his mind to the task at hand, ignoring the yellow tape as he stepped closer, his eyes instantly focused upon the body lying there. The young woman was propped up against some rocks, they had been moved there to create the staging area, this certainly was a completely different crime scene than the junk yard, and yet the body clearly had the same over kill to hide the skill. Or perhaps, overkill was something he had not control over? Maybe once the kill was complete the compulsion to keep going takes its toll on the unsub?

Cas frowned as he stepped around the scene, so much care had been put into this scene, it was cared for planned. The unsub had taken much time and effort to place her here. But why here? What was significant about this specific location? What was he missing? Cas walked towards the shore line staring out across the sea, watching the waves roll in listening to the sound they create. Was that the message? That they needed to stop and listen to the truth? That there is a calm methodical way in which he is doing things, he is not a transient and did not treat his victims as junk? This is as far away from the junk yard as is physically and ascetically possible. Could and would the message be that simple?

Cas ran his hand through his hair he didn't want to think about the kill, he had already been there and seen where that leads, he needed to focus on this spot. The geographical profile could be the key to undoing all of this. Or it could just be another game of cat and mouse the killer trying to taunt law enforcement to find him and stop him. As with most killers they eventually want notoriety for their work for the world to know who they are and ultimately to be stopped.

Cas was staring across the bay and Dean watched him, curious as to what he could see, but Dean had a mountain to climb, press were already amassing at the scene and asking to talk to him directly. Despite his best efforts, the officer who was supposed to keep check on who came in the scene and when, seemed to crumble under the weight of the spotlight and kept turning away. As such, journalists kept appearing in the actual crime scene, and this is all he needed, nosey goddamn reporters contaminating the crime scene, not that it matters, what about all the contamination that may have happened before the police even secured the scene, but apparently, that doesn't matter in the eyes of the law, it can only be contaminated after a scene has be secured. Which is absurd!

Dean ensured he kept his facial features guarded and tore his eyes from watching Cas and turned towards the press, knowing he was going to have to deal with them all, but he was in no mood to do so. So for now it was crowd control with the promise of answers later. He needed them to clear off, because he needed to know what Cas saw, he needed Cas insight so he could return to the office and bitch slap his boss for being such a fool. Even though Dean knew he had been just as quick to place the blame on the man they found with the previous body. He should have listened to Cas, his blood itched at him under his skin, everything was running out of control again and he needed something he could sink his fingers, his mind into. Something he could control and he knew what that was, it awaited him back at home under his floorboards.

He felt his blood run smooth again no longer tearing and itching under the surface and he stepped towards the press with promises of a press conference later. With all their answers; and of course as a slight payback, he said the special agent in charge of the task force Robert Singer would be the one who they could direct their questions too. With that said he ordered them all away and said any that did not leave now would not be granted access to the press conference later. It worked like a charm they all scurried off and left him and his team alone, in peace. He walked back towards Cas trying not to smile, he knew this was not a scene to be smiling about. But he couldn't help it he felt something tug as his facial features and he ended up flashing a albeit small, smile at Cas.

Cas seemed to return to gesture and Dean decided it wasn't such a strange occurrence to be smiling over small victories, after all this was just that. A small victory. They are one step closer to knowing more and he could tell Cas was formulating ideas, whatever he saw was obviously more than what he could see. All Dean, saw was a dead girl by the water she had been laid out for all to see. But that was it. Everything else just did not seem to matter in the grand scheme, the evidence was being collected tagged photo graphed and collected.

Dean watched as everyone went about their business but his eyes lingered on the way Cas stood facing the shore away from him and he was pretty much swaying with the waves Dean was certain of it. Dean endured as much as he could before he approached Cas.

"Alright then, What you have for me Mr Holmes?" Dean quipped and threw Cas a smile, one of his more charming flashes as he came to stand beside him and then he turned his attention out to sea.

"Mr Holmes?" Cas questioned and closed his eyes, taking a breath to ground himself in this moment not in the previous ones where he was in his mind building the scene.

"Yeah, like Sherlock… just, what you got for me?" Dean shrugged and kept his gaze fixed out on the crashing rippling waves.

"Ah, I understand that reference" Cas nodded and turned back towards the body. "Grandstanding"

"Well no shit Sherlock, even I can see that" Dean quipped his tone snarky

And Cas bit back almost instantaneously "Would you allow me to finish my statement Dean without your constant commentary?" Cas turned his gaze towards Dean, and all Dean did was stare at him expectantly, and waited for Cas to continue on with his insight.

Cas sucked in a breath and started over explaining everything to Dean in the best way he could. "The setting is trying to convey a message Dean, he is challenging you to find him, his is posturing, he is laying claim to his victims, he does not want anyone else but him to have the right to claim trophies over this victims, he is driven by the need for exaltation." He paused a moment and scanned the area again everything playing out in his mind before he continued.

"He is searching for something, I cannot put my finger upon that. He just has a reverence for his kills, he wants all to see as he sees. There is a beauty and art to this for him. He is sharing his master pieces to the world and he is grievously upset over the last victim of his, that someone else tried to lay claim to all his work." Cas sighed and shakes his head the words grip around him and he feels himself slipping to this world that he tries to maintain a level head out of it all.

"This is his statement. He is not caught, he will not be silenced and all will see the never ending crashing of beauty, wave upon wave of his ideals. He wants to say he is far from finished; he is just perfecting his craft. Each kill is his fresh wave of inspiration." Cas continued to talk pointing out to little parts of the scene as he talked, highlighting the spots that stand out to Cas above all other.

This meant little to Dean all he took from it is, he has the wrong guy and this one is going to keep killing because he is only just beginning to his work. Dean looked at Cas and raised his hand "Alright Cas, I get your point. But how does any of that help me find the guy?" Dean asked as he stared at the scene before him

"Dean, it is obvious that this unsub has a high stress choice limiting job, and he either has worked closely with law enforcement or works within the force, he has excellent knowledge on forensic counter measures and knew he had time to set this up here without being detected. He knew the pass times for the patrols, or he is exceptionally lucky as everywhere he picks is within a patrol route of either local forces or private. He is showing his skill, because his job demeans him, he is not working as his full potential, passed over for promotion or just ignored and it manifests in him grandstanding how incredible he believes he is" Cas adds.

Dean pauses and takes it all in. "well let's get back give Bobby this information and then we shall have another look at our suspect pool maybe there are people we over looked before that we should look at again?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea Dean," Cas offered a small smile and Dean turned to the scene and walked towards forensic team working there and asked them for any new information before he and Cas left. Cas already pardoned himself and headed towards the car, he did not wish to remain in that scene any more, it felt to cold and familiar he did not like that feeling washing over him. He had spent to long there it's effects were lingering and he was left with a desire to run to the impala, but instead he remained rooted in his spot, trying to work this through, to let it go. Maybe he should run to Balthazar's again? Maybe he should hide until this passes; this feeling was never a good feeling.

Just as Castiel was about to turn on his heel and run for the hills, well the small space in Balthazar's apartment, that was a Zen room of empty emotions and energy. He was just ready to run when Dean came to stand beside him his hand rested upon Cas shoulder. It was in that moment Cas felt it, that emptiness, the void of anything, he turned to look at Dean and once he made eye contact Cas heart rate skipped and slowed and he felt as though even his blood had chilled to the point where everything was running slower. Cas was grateful for the sudden lack of feeling, he needed this after living that scene a few to many times over. One day Cas would examine why Dean makes him feel this way, he wipes away everything and leaves Cas with an empty peaceful feeling.

"Come on Cas let's head back to the office, time for you tell everyone what you told me and see how we put that to work on the list we have" Dean smiles as he squeezes Cas shoulder and walks over to his car.

Cas remains in situ for a moment the world still moving much slower around him, however as soon as Dean steps away it rushes back at him to full speed and he is taken back by it a moment. It takes him a few seconds to gather his sense and inhale deeply as he starts to trail after Dean. Unsure if he is trailing Dean because Dean asked or because it was a gravitational pull he felt to be near that right now. How could he ever explain this to Dean? Perhaps he needed to talk with his therapist about his after all, because this was turning into a pull he wasn't sure he could avoid for as long as he worked this closely to it. "Of course Dean, I shall always follow where you lead" Cas speaks low his tone quitter than usual.

Dean smiles over the roof of the impala at Cas, "That's the spirit Cas, in this together now, you'll be the Castle to my Beck-.." Dean shook his head over what he was saying stopping mid word he was not about to make that comparison. "Just get in the car Cas we got a lot to do today…"

Cas furrowed his brow he truly did not understand what statement Dean was trying to make but he climbed into the car anyway and buckled up. "Lets' go and give this profile Dean, I wish to lay this case to rest now."

**Notes: **

**A/N. There is a reason behind why Dean does what he does; do you want to know in a large chunk of the next chapter the catalyst behind it all, or do you trust me to feed the key points throughout the rest of this tale?**


	7. Deadlines and Committments

Deadlines and Commitments

Summary:

After everything that has happened, Dean decided its about time that he took Cas to relax.

Notes:

More insight into both parties, a bit of a filler chapter, but there will be violence and sexual content within the next few chapters. I hope you enjoy reading.

It had been a long day and after finally getting Cas to give the profile and charging the scumbag Gordon with obstruction of justice. Only once it was all cleared up could Dean convince Cas it was time for a little rest and relaxation. This is how Dean is presently sat in a dusty bar in some side alley. Dean picked the place as he knew on a midweek night it would be empty. And he was right, he and Cas slid around a small table in the back corner of the room, he stared over at the pool table wistfully wondering if Cas even knows how to play, he laughs a little at that and shakes his head his fingers wrapped around the neck of his bottle of beer.

"Cas will you at least slip out of your jacket and make a small effort to relax?" Dean groaned as he leaned back into his chair, his whole body surprisingly relaxed and supple as he considers just what had happened to them both during the day.

"I cannot understand why we are here?" queried Cas, his eyes darting around all the corners of this dark musty room, noting the distinguishable features that make up this bar. The old wooden tables like the one he sat at showed years of use and rocked a little as he leant on it. The pictures around the walls lead Cas to believe they were in a sports bar, as varying athletes adorned the walls. He sighed and shrugged out of his over coat. "is this more acceptable for you?" Cas offered a small sincere smile to Dean as he took a drink of his beer.

Dean chuckled heartily and gave him a small smile "well it's a start, maybe at some point we will get the stick out your ass to huh?" Dean smiled fully now his tone laced with cockiness as he made eye contact with Cas he felt a bit of his resolve begin to break. He downed the rest of his beer, pushing aside all thoughts that he was having towards the college professor, he needed to remind himself that all Cas is, is a work colleague. A part-time partner to help him on this case, he inwardly groaned as it crossed his mind. He needed this to stop, he needed to focus on what lay ahead and he needed Cas to relax or this case was going to break him. This is the only reason they are out drinking, nothing more. Dean reasoned with himself, and decided he was avoiding going home as he knew once he was home he needed to write the email back to "WB" and the day's events had left him with a sour taste in his mouth towards his would be tormentor.

Cas glared over at him frowning for a moment. "Why do you insist on that as a metaphor Dean? I assure you there is no such thing stuck within my rectum." Cas mumbled and picked at the label on his drink. His eyes dart between Dean and the décor behind him, Cas' focus refusing to remain upon the other man, as Cas found himself feeling infuriated at the constant jibes he was receiving from Dean. "If you feel this way, why am I here Dean? I cannot fathom any reason for you to request my company?"

Dean balks at the other man and stops drinking for a moment to ensure he catches Cas' gaze. "Look, you need to relax more and not take everything so literal. You are wound to tight Cas, and in order for you to not fall off the deep end I need to ensure you can handle this shit that's happening. So I requested your company because I thought maybe you'd actually enjoy yourself, apparently you are incapable of enjoying yourself huh?"

Cas opens his mouth to speak but finds words drying on his tongue, he has little to say back to Dean on this point. As he knows Dean is right but at the same time, he feels a shrill of disappointment wash over him, Dean only wanted his company to assess how damaged he was it was nothing to do with him actually wanting his company. "I can enjoy myself Dean, perhaps you should have enquired with me what I actually find enjoyable rather than bringing me here" Cas gestures around the place.

"I thought we'd do that here, considering the only thing I know for certain is that you enjoy coffee houses and talking about work, I didn't want to make this about work. So I took a shot at dragging you away from places we associate with work…" Dean responds his tone flat not indicating his emotion towards Cas in any way, he did not want Cas to pick up on anything. He needed Cas to think this was just a usual occurrence between them, nothing out of the ordinary, he didn't want Cas reading into the moment.

"I understand Dean, however next time you presume to invite me somewhere with you and make it for my benefit, I suggest you at least discover my distaste for such places first. I was under the impression you wished for my company because you did not wish to…"

"Will you shut up for one moment, you are so much like my brother" Dean interrupted and huffed slightly thinking about how it is no wonder Cas used Sammy, they were more alike than he cared to admit. Bull headed, stubborn and apparently a weak spot for Dean. "I bet you and my brother would get along fabulously" Dean added and glanced away from Cas not wanting to admit to knowing anything to Cas.

Cas paused and leaned towards Dean, "Why do you say that for? I do not believe you have spoken to me much about your brother. Are you close?"

Dean laughed brief and almost alien laugh to him as he nods "Oh I'd say we are pretty close, been taking care of the squirt most my life, he's a fancy pants doctor of sorts." Dean mumbled the end and added a quick "But to be honest, he's not really something we should be talking about, I'd rather hear stuff from you for once, I always do the talking Cas"

Cas paused for a moment. "I do not understand what you would wish to know about me Dean" He shifted across his seat adverting his gaze down to the bottle where he was absentmindedly picking off the label.

"I tell you what Cas, I'll go buy us some more beers and you figure out what you can tell me" Dean smiled and reached over the table, patting Cas' shoulder. His fingers gripped the bone tight and the hold may have lingered a fraction longer than necessary, but Dean shrugged it off as delayed senses as Cas always takes so long to respond to anything.

Cas sighed and almost flinched away from Dean's touch but when he feels that connection and he allows himself to get lost in the dulled senses he swears he would answer anything that Dean wished to know. The moment Dean pulls back the crux of the situation hits Cas full force again and he finds himself sitting exceptionally still the fear of opening up crowding him in this otherwise empty space. "I do not believe the beers will be of much assistance Dean"

"Cas, they are to assist you in talking, we are here to enjoy a few beers and unload, just think about something you want to tell me ok?" He offers a smile and gets up and heads towards the bar to order a bucket of 6, he figured it made sense and they he wouldn't need to keep coming back for more he could just stay and listen to what ever Cas had to say. This will be a greatly welcomed distraction from his own mind. His own thoughts pushing to get home to reply to that email, to ensure no one had been in his home again. He felt his world was off kilter again and it was too bothersome, he needed this distraction, because any other distraction cannot be recompensed until he has the serial killer caught and brought to justice.

Cas sat staring after Dean, he didn't know what he was to offer of himself, he was certain Dean didn't care much for the truth of matters, he only wanted something to keep him out of his own mind. Which irritated Cas, he wanted answers of his own. He sighed and resigned himself to his fate, he knew to get answers he had to offer something of himself up first. Samuel had taught him that, when discussing his ineptitude for making friends, Samuel had gone through conversational topics and Cas knew for most conversations to work one party had to offer something up. And as Dean has decided Cas was the sole purpose of this conversation he knew he'd have to come up with something he was ok with discussing.

Dean smiles as he takes his seat back opposite Cas pushing a beer towards him setting the others on the table. "So Cas' what'll be?" He asks as he gets comfortable where he's sat putting the bottle to his lips taking a long sip staring across at Cas expecting him to start talking soon, quietly curious at what he is about to pick as a conversation topic. The curiosity to know more about this man makes him question a lot of things, but how could he be blamed? Cas' was a mysterious good looking guy, most people probably want to know a lot about him, and Dean wasn't in the mood to sit and ask question after question, plus he didn't really go in for all that touchy feely crap, Dean just wanted to enjoy a few beers and possibly get to know Cas better.

Cas looked up at Dean a look of panic crossed his face, he didn't know how to hold conversations about himself, he knew how to ask Dean questions, that is about the extent to his social prowess. He took the beer and took several small sips from it, buying himself a little more time as he looks around the place, hating it. It really wouldn't have been his first choice of venue but he could hardly complain, Dean picked the most deserted bar he knew it was a peace offering and he knew that, this whole evening was Dean's peace offering, and so now Cas had to offer something up. If he could only pick something to talk about, but it isn't so easy to pull something out of the air. "I must admit Dean," He starts swallowing down thickly "Your car, I never expected to like such a vehicle." He continues on noticing how Deans eyes light up as he mentions the car. "I have never considered the beauty in cars before Dean, but there is something about yours, it feels safe too, you have taken care of her and she shows that, I can honestly say it is a place I feel safe in." Cas offers up and looks to Dean a fond smile on his face as he tries to see how Dean is reacting to this topic.

Dean smiled and leaned forwards, it wasn't exactly what he wanted from Cas, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about his baby, as much as he wanted this to be about Cas, he felt a sense of pride that Cas felt safe in his baby, and knowing how Cas is, it makes him feel even prouder. "I know what you mean Cas, she has been through much with me. I know she's not exactly regulation vehicle, but uncle… I mean Section Leader Bobby he is a good person and as long as I do my job, he could care less about what I drive around in." Dean smiles.

"So you have had her a long time then?" Cas enquires as he sips through his beer.

You could say that, I grew up with her Cas, lots of memories in that car, and when I turned 17 my dad gave her to me, and I have taken care of her ever since, she's needed a few touch ups here and there, and I've have to rebuild her almost from scratch a few times." Dean chuckles at the fond memories he has of working on her.

"You had to rebuild her from scratch?" Cas asks his eyes wide in a kind of awe that is usually reserved for his mentors and those who gave him inspiration.

Dean grins nodding "Well yeah, little brother drove her in to a few trees and down into a river and he totalled her, had to rebuild her engine, even the main chassis was wrecked. But you couldn't tell, she looks as beautiful as ever" His arms move along with his words, expressing more than even the words could at how much all this meant for him.

Cas smiled, although the mention of a car crash sends his mind hurtling towards Anna somehow sitting before Dean staring into those eyes, it doesn't over whelm him. He can still breathe without that over baring sense of panic this almost shocked him. But there was something about being around Dean that had this almost soul soothing balm that left Cas feeling at ease. He nods agreeing about how beautiful the car is and asks "And your brother was ok?"

Dean nods and laughs "Yeah he's fine, I kicked his ass of course, but he was ok. Stupid kid jumped out the car and let it roll down into the river then called me in tears, I wanted to kill him, he took her out without even telling me, I was away doing a tour over in afghan, and he wasn't even supposed to drive her. So when I got back I fixed her up, and she runs just like new."

Cas smiles as Dean's whole body seems to radiate a relaxing aura around it. "Yes Dean, I could hardly tell you had ever rebuilt her at all. Not that I know anything about cars, but I can tell you care for that vehicle very much" Cas sighs a little running his fingers through his hair as he picks up another bottle of beer taking a long sip, chugging back almost half a bottle.

"Woah easy there Cas, we're relaxing not rushing you head first into getting wasted" Dean chided playfully.

Cas shook his head and put the bottle down his slender fingers picking at the label around the neck of the bottle "I miss my sister, even though it has been almost 18 years. I still miss her as if it was only yesterday she was with me."

Dean sits stunned for a moment taken back by Cas' honesty, he hadn't seen this coming and he didn't even know how to comment on it, he just reached out and placed his hand on Cas' shoulder. "Of course you'll miss her Cas, she's your sister" Dean offers a small smile,

Cas looks into Dean's eyes and he wants to crawl into that empty space he finds there, the hollow out his insides because in these moments where usually everything would be too much here he sits feeling nothing, even Dean's sympathy did not seem to irritate him. Dean was there and that made this easier. Part of Cas knew he should be worried about this, this was not a healthy state to find himself in. A dependant state of want and need, and Cas was unsure if it was a want and need for Dean or just the presence that Dean brought with him. Cas shook his head and his shoulders slumped down a little letting out a long exhale. "Thank you Dean, she was the only one who understood me, she was older than me by 7 years. She left home when she was 18, I was barely 11" Cas paused exhaling a slight sigh. My parents were less than understanding. I cannot fault them, if not for them I would not have succeeded with my education. They enabled me to finish high school before all of my peers, I attended college at 15 and by 21 I had earned my degree, my masters and I was working towards finishing my doctorate in criminal psychology. Which is when I was recruited by the FBI. The relationship between my parents and I had always been strained but when I abandoned my research to work for the FBI my parents finally disowned me. We hardly spoke before but at least we were civil and had contact around thanksgiving and occasionally Christmas. However apparently working for the FBI was the last straw for my Father who has refused to even acknowledge I exist since then." Cas kept talking, he wasn't sure why all this was coming out, maybe it was the pleasant buzz he was feeling from the alcohol or maybe it was all Dean.

Dean stared at Cas, he wasn't sure what was happening, he hadn't expected Cas to tell him all of that, of course he wanted Cas to open up to him and he had to hold back the small smile of pride he was feeling. Something about knowing how smart Cas really was made him want to pat Cas' back and say something jovial like 'that's my boy'. But he figured that wasn't something Cas wanted to hear right now. He just nodded and leaned in again reassuringly squeezing Cas' shoulder, his fingers running along the hard ridge of bone, just to reassure him that everything was ok. Dean pulled back and kept his voice low and full on sincerity. "And you are here today doing more than just sitting in a class room".

Cas nodded and leaned into the warmth behind the touch, the light feeling running over his skin was something he hadn't ever felt from any other before. Cas had never really considered much about his life. It was the way it was. "Well yes Dean. I can now assist you alongside my academic duties, after my brush with the New York Presbyterian psych unit, I have no desire to return there. This is why I return to Balthazar's place as refuge from the world when I become lost. He was the only reason I was able to leave the psych unit. He came to my aide when I had no one else."

Dean leaned in giving Cas his whole attention, he was interested in all Cas had to say. He wanted to listen, maybe this would finally cure the itch of fascination he held towards Cas, if he was less of an enigma. "So Mr Smarmy English is a close relative, I should probably buy him a beer." Dean jested.

Cas quirked a smile and shook his head. "Balthazar would not appreciate beer Dean, he prefers brandy." Cas shrugged. "He takes after my uncle that way, My father never appreciated the taste for alcohol. I was forbidden from ever drinking." He stared at his bottle and hesitated as he pulled up to his lips and drank the rest of the bottles contents.

Dean shook his head. "Well your fathers loss then man". Dean smiled and held up his bottle and waited for Cas to do the same. "To free will" he toasts. Dean kept his smile even though Cas' revelations about his life had Dean thinking about his own. How his Father treated him, or rather mistreated, and yet even then after his Father's death he still sought out his approval. He held back his inward chuckle at how that worked out. Joining the hardest military school he could find and going through all his required training always hitting the top, to become a Marine Scout Sniper in Quantico Virginia. He did this all because without his Dad to run his life like a commanding officer Dean felt at a loss. So when he was barely 17 he packed his bags sent Sam to live with some family friends and joined the marines. Since then his life had turned out far different than he had anticipated. Between his Fathers drills and, the extensive courses he volunteered for through the marines, it harnessed the small seed that was within him as a child and turned him into the man he is today. Special Agent Dean Winchester.

Cas clinked his bottle to Deans and nodded. "Free will, and learning from mistakes." Cas added.

Dean smiled and was about to say something as his cell started ringing, he was about to ignore it as he thought it was just the office and he was off duty right now. But then he saw the name flashing on his screen and inwardly sighed. "Just one moment Cas I gotta take this". He got up and excused himself from the table.

Cas was now alone and all the thoughts he had thought were at bay surrounded him like a thick dense fog. He hated talking about his family, his parents were nothing but a source of pain and anxiety for him and his sister had left a hole he did not think would ever heal. But Dean makes all of it feel like nothing, but now, without the comforting presence, the thoughts swarmed his mind like a dark cloud filling all his senses, he started packing his things and pulled on his tan over coat he needed to get out of there. To get away, maybe he could go talk to Anna about everything. He frozen in space, he could not possibly go and see her with alcohol in his system that was disrespectful, he did not even wish to see Balthazar because surely even he would question what his dear cousin is doing reeking of beer, stale peanuts and pretzels midweek. He sighed and knew what he needed to do, there was something he could do that would soothe all this away. He was standing now turning towards the door as he hears from behind him.

"And just where are you going?"

Cas froze in spot. Dean's voice sounded disappointed. Cas turned back to him, his eyes downcast as he mumbled. "I am sorry Dean, I needed some fresh air."

"Well just wait a few moments will ya, I got to go, I been called in as a favour to help an old acquaintance of mine." Dean picks up the unopened beers and turns and sets them on the bar shrugging, before turning back to Cas. "You ever worked on a kidnapping Cas?"

Cas stared at him for a moment. Trying to work out how this was relevant. "Yes Dean, under my previous employment with the FBI"

Dean smiled walking over to him sliding his arm around him and walking him out the bar. "Then I formally invite you to assist me in the case I have just been handed." Dean smiled. "This guy I eh know, he has called me to help him, his 7 year old daughter has been taken"

Cas' eyes widen at the news and nods "Of course Dean any way I can assist I will help" Cas nods and considers if he is a bad person for finding this situation lucky. He now has an excuse not to return home, to be consumed by his thoughts. He is now able to remain with Dean and feel that subtle emptiness that comes along with it.

"He's sending a car to pick us up, I said we'd be in the lot ready for him to pick us up and he's having someone come and pick up Baby too." Dean smiles as he walks over to lean against baby waiting on their ride.

Cas looks over at Dean and stops walking, "Dean I just need to go to the restroom I shall be right back" Cas turned and walked away swallowing down the thoughts that followed behind him like a consuming shadow.

Dean stood leaning against his baby's hood, running his hand over her as he felt his mind relax, he actually felt relieved not to go home, he didn't want to process everything yet. This was a nice avoidance to his present situation, his teeth ground against one and other as he realized what he was saying. Dean Winchester does not run from shit like this, he huffs to himself and pulls out his phone skimming through his apps finding the mail app opening it up and finding the email from "WB" he quirks his lips in to a half smile as he decides he's had enough pretending and hiding. If this guy wanted to play then he'd happily play along. He quickly types out a short response trying to get it sent before Cas comes back as asks him what he's doing.

**From: SoitgoesWhatsYoursIsMine **

**To: WildBobTralfamadore **

**RE: What's yours is mine – **

**Wild Bob; **

**You're the only one zany enough to agonize over time and distance without limit, over mysteries that will never die, over the fact that we are right now determining whether the actions you are forcing into being are going to be Heaven or Hell. Game on. I accept the challenge. **

**Zah-mah-ki-bo **

**Bokononist D.**

Dean hit send and pocketed his cell turning to see Cas walking back over to him grinning at the perfect timing as a car pulls into the lot. "Looks like our rides here Cas"

Cas looks across to the large black SUV that had pulled into the lot and then back to Dean, thinking for a moment if this was a truly wise idea, but against his better judgement he walked over to Dean and followed him to the SUV. "Where are we going exactly Dean?"

"He has a small place in the Hamptons wont take too long to get there, but plenty of time to sober up" Dean smiles opening the door to the back of the SUV. A man climbs out and hands him two coffee's and Dean hands over his keys. "Get a single scratch on her and I'll break your legs you understand?"

"Yes sir, I shall follow closely behind at all times" The young man spoke taking the keys and quickly walked over to the car, Dean turns and hands Cas the coffee. "Up you hop Cas, after you."

Cas watches the interaction and feels something twist within him, he did not understand it. Why would this stranger cause an unsettling feeling with him? Was it that this stranger was going to drive Dean's car? Or that this stranger had Deans sole attention for those moments leaving Cas to remember the outside world? He took the coffee gratefully and climbed up into the SUV. Dean followed in behind him, he sat there a moment after buckling up wondering what exactly was happening here. Was he really just going to trust all of this is to help Dean's friend? Or was something else happening here?


	8. A Place For My Head

Summary:

Dean has some time to think about his past, present and just what Cas means to him?

Dean watched as a four-man personal security team escorted the kid back into the house. He ran his hands through his hair and turned to look at Cas a fond smile on his face as he reached out and patted Cas' shoulder.

"Nice job Cas, not sure we'd have done this without you" Dean chirped, he wanted Cas to know he truly appreciated his help. Moreover, he needed Cas to know this was not about him feeling guilty about before. Cas had done good and Dean decided he needed to hear it. Even if Cas wouldn't believe it right now Dean knew with a few prompts he would get there. And start to actually believe his worth. He was a valuable asset.

"I did nothing Dean, it was your coordinating of the small task force that truly liberated the young girl from her captors." Cas smiled and nodded, he was dubious at taking any credit for this as he did not want to be lead into a false sense of being useful. Cas knew all too well that his usefulness was tied solely to his ability to perform miracles like this, and he could not claim that his insight alone solved this case, it was not so simple. Even though the slight touch from Dean stilled his inner turmoil he knew he could not let that quiet stillness take over, he had to deal with this, with these thoughts, so he shrugged off Dean's touch and kept some distance between them.

Dean grunted and shook his head, "whatever man, just know you did good, and because of you we had enough information to pull this operation off and handled the kidnapper with more proficiency than had it been down the FBI negotiator." The operation had been successful; they apprehended the kidnapper who held the poor kid for ransom. It had been tense at moments but Cas had been a great help on the case, made it easier to negotiate with the kidnapper. Sure Dean had moments where he questioned his logic in bringing Cas along to this case. It was not really something that the FBI had asked them to do together. But Dean had followed his gut instinct that maybe Cas would be of assistance which he was. Not that Cas would listen to him now and Dean could not stop wondering if this was still about the previous mistake he made about not trusting Cas' judgment? How long was Cas going to make him suffer for this. Dean sighed and turned Cas back to him, his eyes searching Cas' for a moment. "Just quit doubting your worth to the team, you did good."

Cas nodded and stared into Dean's eyes and he felt all the ball on anxiousness melt away, he didn't want this, he didn't ask for it. And for the first time he did not welcome this empty feeling he wanted to run from it. He needed to escape the not feeling. He needed to feel something right now because reality was he was going to find himself alone soon, alone and unnecessary. "Dean, Thank you for your support but I was only a small fraction of this operation."

Dean was pleased with the outcome of situation Cas had more insight than he had ever given him credit for and this truly made him smile. He knew Cas was smart and capable, but to see him tune into the kidnapper and assist them in meeting his needs which resulted in not only his capture but also the safe return of the child in question. Yet here Cas is trying to take no credit for any of his work? And for some reason this grated on his nerves, he needed Cas to see how valuable and integral to this operation and well any future operations. Dean was starting to see this as a long-term partnership, but he couldn't help feeling that Cas wanted nothing more to do with him or the  
FBI that is absolutely necessary. "Well you know you were a major part of it Cas, it wouldn't have been a success without you, now how about I take you home, I could do with a shower and a nap, you coming?"

"Of course Dean, are you ok with dropping me off at home? I have already called ahead to have my class covered for today" Cas nods and smiles a little.

"Shit! Sorry Cas, I forget that you have other work to do." Dean taps the side of his head in an effort to show he had truly forgotten about Cas' day job, it just hadn't even entered his head. No wonder Cas was being distant, he had his life to get back too. And here he was already packing Cas up and moving him into working from a desk at the FBI.

"It is of no consequence Dean, I have workloads already in place, it is easy to give it to another lecturer to give the seminar. I have just chosen to not have another member of the faculty staff deliver my seminar. I shall reschedule it." Cas smiles trying to reassure Dean it was ok, he did not mind missing the class, and it was not any hassle to rearrange the class, he could set it up to run any time he wished. It was down to his students to clear their schedule and attend.

"Alright Cas, still sorry man, you should have said." He pauses a moment and shrugs "well let's get outta here" he smiles and turns to go and explain he was leaving and that he was taking Cas home.

Dean could return home and relax, he was going to take the day off and hopefully see to that itch under his skin. It was something that had not yet subsided and he knew there was something he was going to have to do about that. He wanted to get home and once he slipped behind the wheel of baby all the tension he had been holding on to started to subside. Dean glanced to his side where Cas was sitting slumped back in the seat staring out the window. It had taken almost a day to apprehend and capture the kidnapper. And you could tell Cas was tired, even he was shattered. But there was something about Cas looking so comfortable in his baby that made him smile. The ride back to Cas' was fairly quiet, and as much as Dean wanted to fill the silence between them with endless chatter about nothing, he didn't feel the same need to as he usually would. There was something peaceful resounding from his partner sat beside him, he had almost forgotten that he needed to let Cas out as he pulled up out the front of Cas' place. For a split moment Dean had to ask himself what he was doing there, that's when he looked to his side and saw that Cas was sleeping his head propped upon the window. Dean couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped his lips as he watched Cas for a few moments. Then after realizing it was oddly creepy to be watching the guy sleep he also decided he didn't want Cas drooling all over Baby's upholstery. Dean leant over and gripped Cas shoulder lightly and shook him.

"Cas man, you're home" Dean almost chuckled but spoke as softly as he could he didn't want to alarm Cas too much. But if it were Sam he knew he'd have done everything he could to freak the little bitch out, Dean smiled at the fond memories he has in regards to teasing and tormenting his baby moose of a brother.

Cas started to stir his eyes flickering open, as he focused on where he was he sat up right and about bolted out the car turning only to apologize to Dean. " I am so sorry Dean, I truly hope I was not snoring or drooling all over your car" Cas' hand flew up over his mouth to check for sighs of drooling,  
unable to look right at Dean now, he felt this overwhelming gut twisting dread and fear within him. He could not believe he had fallen asleep within Dean's car.

Dean chuckled. "Cas it's fine, I just thought I should wake you rather than try to carry you into your home" Dean leaned closer to Cas and winked. "Thought I'd wait for you to invite me in for coffee before I start carrying you into your house," Dean teased a little.  
Cas' eyes flew open, his heart racing in his chest. "I, thank you Dean for not doing so" His breath hitched as he gazed in to Dean's eyes. The space between them was almost nothing. Cas was certain he and Dean were sharing breath. He shook his thoughts from his mind and leaned back reaching for the handle pulling it and pushing the door open.

"Thank you for the ride home Dean, I shall see you tomorrow?" Cas looked back before stepping out the car feeling is stomach flip, he wanted to crawl back into that space and curl into Dean and to not think or feel, but he had to. He needed to focus on what was, not what is not.

Dean reached out and patted Cas back. "You are welcome Cas' and again, thanks for helping and you did good, really good Cas don't forget that. See you tomorrow" Dean gave one of his best charming smiles, hoping Cas hadn't took his statements to seriously.

Cas smiled taking his bag and closing Baby's door gently then making his way into his home, trying to not let everything overwhelm him all at once. He waved Dean off as he watched the Impala drive down the street. Cas shut his door behind him locking it as he then leant back against it using it as support to keep him grounded before he lost himself to his thoughts. Now he was alone every little movement Dean had or had not made span around inside his mind, tearing everything apart for him. He hated this, he had been without routine for too long and it was starting to fray his edges of his carefully constructed psyche. Cas needed to take control again needed to set his perimeter and impose the limitations to his life to keep himself from cracking. He knew what he needed to do he just needed to go ahead and do it.

* * *

Dean finally pulled up outside his house and instantly that itch was hard to ignore, he knew what he wanted to do, he knew he needed time to himself but that wasn't likely to happen. He had to call Sam and check in with Bobby see what cases had landed on his desk now, and check in with the crime lab for updates on the open investigation on the M2 serial killer. Dean rolled his eyes at that, the name was thrown around the office last week and had stuck, the Martyr Maker was top priority but he still had other cases to work on.

Dean walked into his home torn between checking on his "guest" or checking is email. He wanted to see if WB had replied to him, yet, he knew he could just check his phones email but he wanted to log into his work space to see if there were any new files on the main frame also. At least he was using that excuse. He walked into the dining room taking a glass and his bottle of scotch from the side setting them on the table as he walked over to the corner pulling back the carpet gripping the floor boards lifting the small trap door peering down into the hole to the man who lay curled in the corner not moving. He sighed and walked over into his kitchen grabbing some fruit, bread and water  
walking back over to the hole in his floor dropping down the bananas bread and water bottle. Dean knew keeping that man under his floor much longer was going to result in him having to renovate the small cell. Human defecation left behind a distinguishing scent and he knew he could not leave anything like that lingering around.

He watched the man move and eat the food and it made him smirk, he left the trap door open as he walked over to his dining room table. The challenge WB had set him was presently forefront to his mind. Could he truly make this kill more satisfying than others that preceded it? He sank into the seat at the table pouring himself a large drink sipping from it slowly as memories of where this all started flooded his thoughts. Remembering the way he felt prior to that kill. Everything back then was ordered and put into place, nothing was within his control except that final moments of another's life. That he had control over. He wasn't a proficient killer and his disposing of the body back then was sloppy. But he remembered how it had happened. He'd never felt sure a pure rush before, he remembered the fight with his father. It had been a long week at school but Deans father John, didn't much care about that all he cared about was that Dean had been late to pick Sammy up. It was almost a brawl, Dean had taken enough of his father's beatings. He couldn't ever prove himself worthy, his father didn't see him as anything more than a ungrateful soldier.

_"You we're late collecting Sammy Dean! How could you be so irresponsible! Anything could have happened to our poor Sam!" John screamed at his young not even yet a teenage son, his hand raised and came crashing down upon his son's back shoving him forwards. "Get in that room now"._

_Dean didn't move after the stumble, he's already learnt by now that arguing back resulted in a beating far worse than what was coming. He stayed where he was for a moment calculating his best options. But he took too long. He considered running but where would he run to? He needed to be here to take this, better him than Sam. After all Sam is going to be the one to become something, Dean was nothing just a grunt._

_"I told you to move it Dean!" John's fingers gripped into the short hairs atop of Dean's head and he dragged him into the small room slamming the door shut behind them. And then proceeded to "educate" Dean on the importance of protecting Sammy and that his place is to do as he is told and follow orders, and disobedience would not be tolerated under any circumstances._

Dean shivered at the memories; it was that night he finally snapped. After taking a beating from his dad, for being late picking up Sammy. Because Dean had been in training for the basketball team, needless to say he gave up sports pretty damn quickly after that. But after that beating he had a rage within him that he needed to find an outlet for, he was 12 when he first killed the neighbour's dog as it's barking kept Sam up at night. It was his first kill and the sense of power that came from that was something else entirely. He viewed everything and everyone differently from then on. It was many years later when he killed his first human. And that memory he kept locked away. His first kill had been because of something entirely different. His father had been displeased with finding Dean in the back seat of the car with another guy. Dean was positive it wouldn't have mattered if it were a girl or guy that his Dad found him with. It was the pure fact that Dean wasn't in the house watching Sammy sleep, he had snuck out to have some time with his best friend. His Dad told Dean that nothing and no one should ever come above Sammy for Dean. And his dad more or less beat it into him that Dean's life was secondary. Dean was angry when he snuck out that night his rage was twisted with his surging hormones and it was that night he killed a prostitute. It was symbolism,  
simple clear cut symbolism, killing a distraction that was a danger to his mind. He needed to remain sharp to watch out for Sam. It all became simpler after then, he took all the beatings his father had for him and then used his own rage to seek out vengeance upon any who he deemed wronged Sam. Always seeking out his father's approval though nothing he did was ever enough.

Memories flooded Dean he knew his place, and that had never changed. He was to be Sam's protector. He was to ensure Sam made something of himself. He was nothing, at least he felt nothing, nothing except for that sense of purpose when he finally ended a life. Cleaning up the mess in this god-forsaken world, it is his true calling he understands that now. It started out as looking out only for Sam. He took care of those who could potentially pose a risk as John had taught him too. John never told Dean to kill directly but Dean knew that's what the drills were for, John treated Dean as a soldier and Sammy was the son. Dean grew up feeling like Sam's bodyguard, but he revelled in it. Feeling needed by Sammy was almost as an addiction as following his father's orders and clearing out the garbage in Sam's life. However when John passed away Dean was lost he had only ever been a soldier following orders he did not know how to manage his and Sam's life. It is why he sought solace within the military. He joined the Marines and found his true calling. Not just as a soldier but a proficient killer, there was suddenly a larger world that required saving not just the small percentage that Sammy encountered. This became a new driving force he would keep Sammy truly safe by clearing up the other messes within the world.

Dean shook his head, this trip down memory lane was most unwelcome. He had left most of that behind. What was WB trying to do to him? This wasn't about any of that any more. His time in the marines taught him, his life had meaning, he had meaning. However those who find themselves as his guest or rather victims they meant nothing. They had no meaning in this life a blot on the landscape that needed cleaning up. He had yet to find one worth saving they all require exterminating. This one was certainly no different. If anything WB had it all wrong. These kills were sweeter than the first he had new meaning now. But none beat that rush, that first initial rush we he chocked that prostitute when he was 16. He pushed that memory down, he still had no idea how he got away with that.

He had developed his skill immensely since then, not only did he kill now, but there was a beauty to it all, an art form, to making them see their mistakes before their life ended. It was his duty to correct their ways and have them understand how much on an honor it is to be chosen and how he is doing them a service in separating them from such a lowly existence. Dean was lost within his thoughts the decision that the soul within his floorboards are going to die tonight consuming him, he almost did not hear his phone. He pulled out his cell to see firstly a message from Sam and secondly an email from WB. He opened the message from Sam and laughed.

**Dean; we need to arrange this dinner date with Jess and I. Are you bringing someone? And please pick any day that is not Tuesday. You did not make lunch plans this week, are we still meeting on Friday?**

Dean laughed a little and typed out his response, his anticipation to what WB had said was itching away under his skin, but even now nothing should come before his brother.

**Sammy. You tell me when and where and I will be there. Any evening is good. I don't think I will be bringing any one. And of course I will see you Friday, you little bitch quit whining, I'll swing by ad pick you up for lunch.**

Dean hit send on his message and then opened up the email app. His breath almost hitching in anticipation to what awaits him.

**From: WildBobTralfamadore **  
**To: SoitgoesWhatsYoursIsMine **

**RE: What's yours is mine –**

**Bokononist D;**

**What is the purpose of life? I was on par with the Creator of the Universe there in the dark in the cocktail lounge. Can you really play this game? Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is dead machinery. We are healthy as long as our ideas are humane… what about you is humane? Alternatively, are you just dead machinery.**

**WB.**

Dean stared at his phone, reading the message over and over a few times before his phone flashed with a message from Sam pulling Dean out of his thoughts for now.

**Ok Dean I'll see you Friday and we can decide where and when we will go out for dinner. Now bowling this week. You need to get out more, we should go for Dogs in central park.**

Dean inwardly groaned, this was Sam's attempt to get Dean out. Perhaps if Sam knew how much he spent actually out he would cut him some slack, but that isn't likely to happen any time soon. Dean shook his head and sent back a simple.

**Ok Sammy I'll see you 12.30 Friday.**

He sent the message and then pocketed his phone. WB could wait for now, he didn't need to think too much about WB when right now what he wanted to do was to let some of his agitation wash away through the calming notion of taking something dirty and broken and offering it a clean start a salvation. But firstly he needed to eat and grab his four hours of sleep then he would see to his guest. He pushed the door shut and covered it back over before walking into the kitchen to ready him self something to eat.

* * *

Dean pulled the Toyota up a few blocks from home, setting her into park as he stepped out locking her up looking down the street, musing to himself how he had been gone all night. He had truly taken his time with this one, the feeling of warm flesh and taut tendons were still there under his fingertips. The sounds of the begging and pleading rang through his ears like a was most certainly a calmness around him this morning and he felt so much more relaxed now he had taken the world back into his own hands. The sound of snapping tendons and the subtle twist and popping of joints almost sent a pleasant shrill through him. WB's challenge had made him take his time with this one, nothing was rushed over. Every cut had been carefully considered and each option weighed before taking any action and it was as sweet if not sweet than his first.

The comparison hazy, his first kill was over so fast but that elated feeling had lasted days, he wasn't sure how long he would keep this present state of mind but he was certain to enjoy it whilst it lasted. He walked down the block towards his home his key twisting in the lock frowning as his door was unlocked he cursed as his gun was locked within the safe in his bed room. He stepped inside silently crossing the floor being certain to avoid each board that creeks. He quickly made his way through his home towards his bed room his thoughts on getting to his gun, he stepped into his bed room and stopped for two reasons, the first being the sight before him and secondly his cell was currently ringing alerting anyone who was within his house that he was indeed home. He felt the blood drain from his face as he stared upon his bed, right there in front of him were photos of him, photos of him at work on the victim from the night before. He had been followed and stalked and this person was able to get back to his house and set all this up before he even made it back. Dean reached for his phone to silence it. He knew once again WB had been within his home, he felt his stomach churn as he shook his head.

This isn't possible for him have these photo's there are no windows no points of entry to Dean's secret location. He felt violated even his secret place was no longer secret. This was fast becoming a game Dean partly wished he had never agreed to play, he gathered up the photos and stuffed them within the safe as he removed his weapon, huffing as his phone started to ring again.

He pulled his phone out and gruffly yelled "What" instantly regretting it as the voice on the other end faltered.

"D..D..Dean. I have been trying to call you for the last few hours. I need you to come to the university as soon as you can this morning, I have something that maybe of import to the case" Cas stumbled through his words.

"Ah,Cas can it not wait? I need to shower and I have a meeting this morning with Bobby"

"Oh… my mistake Dean, of course it can wait. I apologise for disturbing you."

Dean turned and sat on his bed for some reason Cas was a person he seemed to have a hard time turning away. He hated the sound in his voice, he sounded so disappointed.

"Tell you what Cas, I will quickly shower and swing by to see you before I head into the office, how about that?" Dean offered hoping to appease the situation, it wasn't Cas' fault he got home to an intrusion.

"That would be excellent Dean, I shall meet you at the coffee spot, text me when you are inbound and I shall have your coffee waiting for you Dean."

Dean smiled at that, Cas was already making this easier for him. "Alright Cas I'm gonna shower then I'll make my way to you, see you in a bit Cas" Dean hung up and quickly went to check over the rest of his house, he wasn't sure if he hoped to find something else but he was disappointed when everything else was as he left it. Nothing out of place and no sign of anyone being there. He locked up again and then made his way to take a shower humming to himself as he allowed his mind to wonder from WB to Cas and how knowing he was going to meet Cas for coffee seemed to calm him mind.

He turned the water on hot wanting the scolding water to wash everything else away, ignoring everything now as he tried to work out just what Cas wanted with him and what this WB was going to do next? Dean stood under the water until everything seemed to merge into a pleasant fog in his mind he then stepped out the shower and dried himself down knowing he was going to have to give Cas some answer as to why he didn't pick up the several other times he had called him. Dean slumped onto his bed feeling tired, he should have gotten some sleep last night but everything took longer because it was too sweet to let it end. With these thoughts in mind he got himself ready and dressed to face the day. Something edging him to get to Cas faster. He wanted to see him, and just why was that? Maybe Cas was the cure to the irritation that WB created? What was it that Dean was seeing within Cas? An innocence? Or something else entirely? Dean had a puzzle within his mind now. He needed to solve this one, because Cas was just a work partnership, right?


	9. As the heart goes part one

Chapter 9: Like the heart goes Part one

Summary:

Time is passing and Dean and Cas have a lot to express with each other, if they are capable of finally moving past their own fixed mindsets and looking just ahead to see they both are thinking the same thing.

Notes:

I am so sorry for a lack of a update last week I really got snowed under with the uni work, however to make up for it this Chapter ran away with itself and as such I have split it down into two parts and part two will be posted within the next few hours. Once again sorry about the wait and thanks to all who have stuck with this so far, it might be that finally Dean and Cas might see past their misconceptions and work through a few things, but even if it is semi resolved there is a lot of angst heading in the future chapters, this won't have a happy ever after aspect for quite a while, might not even be until part two of this saga. As always will love to hear back from you all, and those of you I have heard from thank you so much! Anyway... Enjoy!

Chapter Text

Dean finished getting ready, and headed across the city towards the university. He arrived at the campus within an hour; he hopped out the car and started across the campus towards the coffee spot. He had already sent Cas a message explaining he was on his way, as he strolled up the court yard he realized it was much busier than usual. He felt guilt creep up over him, he had Cas sat in the busy coffee spot waiting on him, and he knew how much Cas hated this place when it was busy. He started to take bigger steps striding across the courtyard, but he pauses as he steps into the coffee spot as he instantly looks over to Cas' usual spot and sat right there beside him is a very enthusiastic red head. Dean watches their interactions for a moment and Dean couldn't work out what was worse, that he had felt needlessly guilty over the situation or that Cas was smiling at the company he had. He had to admit the redhead was cute. But she didn't look like Cas' type wait what? Why is he even thinking about this? He reminded himself to get a grip. He put a smile on his face and as he stepped closer, and saw her properly, and he remembered her from before. She helped, or maybe she scared him off last time, maybe that's why he felt a certain disdain towards her. He crossed the small space and alerted them both to his presence and the smile Cas gave him knocked all of his other thoughts out of his mind. Apparently, Cas was pleased to see him, at least that is the presumption Dean was making from the look on Cas' face.

"We were just talking about you" The red head chirped.

"Indeed we were, you remember Charlie, Dean?" Cas inquired his eyes still fixed upon Dean with the bright smile still on his face.

"Uh yeah I remember" Dean smiles, "However the last time we met it was more a fleeting greet than a proper introduction" Dean quips.

Cas appeared to flush at that and nods "Ah yes, I apologize for that. I was not myself that day." Cas looks to Charlie then to Dean. "Well you both know of each other, Charlie here was just telling me about her weekend." Cas says and shifts up the booth in a way to invite Dean to sit next to him.

Charlie appeared to give Cas a knowing look about something, and Dean wasn't sure he wanted to ask what that was about. "Weekend of exploits, well don't leave me in suspense to long I may lose interest" Dean grins as he sits beside Cas.

Charlie nods and starts to talk about her weekend, Dean's eyes widening as she starts talking about the fairy queen of Moondoor who had made a move on her at the weekend. Cas was sat beside seemingly enraptured by the tale again, and he has to give Charlie credit, she was very good at telling this story. All the details and then too much detail almost made Dean choke on his own saliva, Cas must have noticed as he pushed Dean's coffee in front of him. Dean smiled his attention now more on Cas then anything Charlie is saying. He wasn't sure how long he'd tuned Charlie out for, he was intently watching Cas and thinking over the last few days, wondering what was running though his head, he was vaguely aware of Charlie excusing herself explaining she had a class to get too.

Cas turned to Dean and smiled. "I have no idea where you went to Dean, but I think you missed the most interesting part of Charlie's story"

Dean turned his attention to Cas' eyes and chuckles "I was right here Cas, I was just thinking of the uh case I guess."

"You don't sound very sure of yourself Dean, so what about the case is troubling you? Perhaps what I have to share with you will be of some assistance?" Cas smiles

"Yeah maybe Cas, guess the lack of new leads is disappointing, I was hoping to have all this wrapped up by now, Bobby wants to see me today so I am apprehensive about what the old timer has to tell me now" Dean rolled his shoulders into a shrug as he picked up his coffee. Gripping the mug probably too tightly as the ends of his fingers began to turn white from the grip he had.

Cas' smile faded from his face and Dean felt a pang of guilt he didn't want to be the reason for Cas looking for forlorn, but then part of Dean felt a shrill of pleasure in the idea that he could affect Cas so easily. Cas' gaze turned out the window as he let out a lengthy sigh. "In that case Dean, would you like to get straight to business?"

There is was again that feeling that he had somehow let Cas down without even knowing the reason why, Cas knew he was coming to discuss the case so why would Cas appear so distant when it came to talking about it. Perhaps Cas is feeling more uncomfortable about this whole situation than he had realized. Dean nodded and turned his shoulders to face more towards Cas "Yeah lay it on me man. What new insights do you have for me?"

Cas appeared to be vacant from expression now, his whole face blank and unexpressive as his hands fiddled needlessly upon the table. "Do you have any of the case files with you?"

Dean paused and shook his head. "I, urgh, I guess I forgot to bring it Cas, do you remember what you had to tell me?" Dean felt like an idiot, he'd turned up to discuss the case without the case file, no wonder Cas was confused when Dean had asked to discuss it, he'd shown up without the file, it must have looked like he was there purely to see Cas, but wait a moment, why would Cas presume that anyway? Cas knew he was coming to talk about the case, right? Or was this whole thing another part of this strange hold pattern they had discovered themselves in? Nah there is no way Cas has been thinking like that, this is Cas. He wasn't even sure Cas thought about people in that way. He and Dean were a professional work partnership, nothing more. Well potentially friends, Cas didn't seem to have many friends, and he wasn't even sure Cas understood how friendships worked anyway.

"It is of no consequence Dean I can share with you the information regardless, it just may have been easier for you if were able to point out the symbols that I have associated with a subculture associated with native American beliefs." Cas explained but appeared to gaze at something just over Deans shoulder.

"It's ok Cas, you can just lay it on me, I'll know what you are talking about, most of those case photos are fixed within my memory anyway." Dean reassured Cas, he felt the need to reach out and use a touch to affirm his statement, but he didn't know how Cas would react to that, he never knew with Cas the strangest things seem to have differing effects on him.

"As you wish, I can explain it all to you, perhaps then you will find solace in these answers; though there is marginalized room for error I have come to the conclusion that this killer believes he is at war with the world, he considers his victims as his path to redemption he is the sun to their darkness. He is branding them as happy to be returning home." Cas paused and shook his head. "The diamond within a diamond symbol that is etched into their chests, is the symbol for wisdom Dean, then on some victims he has the symbol for happiness other the sun, they are so very similar the circle with either two or four lines pointing out from quarter intervals. I do not know if the difference is specific or if on some victims the other lines are obscured." Cas stops again staring down at his hands, his mind is racing through the thoughts and processes he is trying to equate this suspect with. He is not certain he should be speculating so readily about this, but he had read around enough symbology texts to understand that the wisdom and arrows of war; are most definitely Native American.

Dean listens intently finishing his coffee and placing the empty cup upon the table. The moment Cas stops talking to stare at his hands, he can't help himself he reaches over placing a hand upon Cas' back. "Hey man that is great, you can stop there if you wish Cas, you've given me enough to work with, do you think it is someone with a native American background who is preforming these ritualistic murders, or is the suspect just butchering the culture to suit his own needs?" Dean enquires as he gives Cas' shoulder a quick squeeze.

Cas glances over at Dean the moment Dean's hand is upon him, he feels that same calm dark emptiness that Dean always brings with him, it is a comfort he wishes to hide himself within right now, he knows this darkness he knows the truth to the matter at hand. He takes in a deep breath and flicks his gaze upon Dean's eyes wishing to hold this gaze for a few moments to let the cool green eyes ease the tension building up inside him. "I believe the suspect is merely using Native American culture to his own twisted use Dean. Every culture has it's own interpretations of these symbols and designs. In the case of the Native Americans, with forced migrations and forced communal living, some Native American symbols have merged, so I believe from his use of these symbols he is using those which he has deemed worthy of his needs."

Dean nodded and slowly withdrew his hand his fingers grazing down Cas' arm as he did so, but he was not doing that it was just a he didn't have an answer as to why he decided his touch should linger. He stared at his empty cup and considered finding excuses to go and fill it again, but he didn't want another coffee right now, he didn't know what he wanted right now and that in itself as rather worrying. "Ok Cas, are there any indications he gives as to when and how he is selecting his victims?"

"Without investigating the use of his choice of symbols further I cannot yet answer that for you, I can attempt to get you answers if you wish Dean?" Cas looked to Dean, he hopped Dean would still consider him useful enough for this, solely for personal gain, he could use Dean being closer, being around more, he was finding himself more and more drawn to how Dean made him feel, and that's just the point isn't it? Not only does Cas now feel the calming emptiness there is something more, something Cas hadn't yet identified but it was welcoming and he wanted to crave that as much as he craved the emptiness. Earlier Charlie had mentioned to him that perhaps he had a crush on Dean, but Cas easily dismissed it, quite honestly Cas had never experienced crushes. He had simply never been interested in sexual relations, that is not to say he has never had any. He had experimented through college but ultimately he had never found someone who gave him what he needed. And, that now was the question at hand here, what was it that Cas wanted? Needed? He knew that answer but he was uncertain if he were able to accept that answer himself yet, and he most certainly did not think Dean would ever be receptive of his explanation so perhaps it was for the best that he had not yet accepted his very human wants.

"… no need for any rush on any of it, take your time, I know how it is, you need more information and unfortunately that means more victims. And, you don't want to be asking for it, I get it, I know what you mean Cas." Dean rambled on he wasn't even sure Cas heard most of what he said, but Cas was mostly receptive to what had been said and if there were any real trouble he was sure Cas would be showing more acute signs than he is now. He rubbed the back of his neck and waited for Cas to show signs that he was back with it.

Cas flicked his gaze up to Deans eyes and then back away he was feeling cautious right now, Dean was too close to understanding him and he didn't know how he felt about that. He wanted Dean to have this welcoming presence about him but Cas was nervous about what that would mean for him one this case was over and Dean no longer need anything to do with him. It meant he was thinking strange thoughts ones he never knew he was quite capable of thinking, he was positive that he was going to blame Charlie for this as it was her talking that made him open up about Dean. And now he was confronted with everything he had thus far kept separated from everything else. Dean was, is a professional work colleague and he should view him as such, regardless of anything else, whilst they were here it was strictly a work based commitment nothing more. But Cas needed to stop thinking of ways to cause this arrangement to continue, it was becoming an unhealthy mind set to be dwelling more and more on these murders and the requirement for more if he is to keep working with Dean. These thoughts troubled Cas greatly how could he allow himself to think of such thoughts. He cannot he needed away from this case but not away from Dean and seeing as they came combined together, chances are he is going to have to choose between his self-preservation and Dean. "I appreciate you understanding Dean. Thank you for not dismissing these thoughts as monstrous."

"We've all be there man, you need more data and the only way to get more data is for another murder which means another victim, it's a vicious cycle and you are battling with it, so of course I understand and know you are not a monster Cas." Dean smiled over at Cas warmly and let his hand reach for this knee this time squeezing it to reassure him that everything was ok, Dean didn't understand the shift in hand placement but it felt the natural place to offer support for this, this time.

Cas almost froze as Deans hands were once again upon him, but if he had froze it had nothing to do with the physical touch as much as the feeling that shot through him as he allowed himself for the moment to feel the comforting presence that Dean was trying to offer him. "Thank you very much Dean," Cas smiled at Dean and let his eyes focus upon Deans, he searched the green tinted orbs that were staring right back at him for some form of answers, he was unsure as to what answer he was looking for but he most certainly knew he'd know as soon as he found it. Moments of silence passed between them as Dean and he stared at each other, without much though Cas' hand had come to rest upon on Deans; and for a few moments they were both caught in the space of acceptance between them a mutual understanding. For once Cas was almost certain that Dean could also see into him the way he see's into Dean.

Just as Dean was about to speak his cell phone started ringing, he grabbed it and gave Cas an apologetic look and excused himself, he had to go. Bobby was calling meaning it was more than likely a 'Where are you boy? get your ass back here pronto' call which Dean didn't want in front of Cas. For some reason he didn't want Cas to see him getting a verbal reprimand even down the phone; he felt something twist his gut in the look Cas gave him as he excused himself. It was becoming more and more likely he was going to need to have the talk with Cas, to come clean about a few things, mostly about Sam. It wasn't right the guy deserved to know this stuff. Dean mumbled on the phone to Bobby as he made his way to his car, trying not to think of blue eyes or that look, or the feel of his surprisingly callous hand atop of his. He shook his head and focused on listening to Bobby inwardly groaning as Bobby mentioned a special assignment for the evening, Dean knew what that meant. Which is ridiculous, he will be playing the part of glorified bodyguard later, at what type of special request he had no idea but he was sure Bobby would tell him once he got back to the office.

* * *

Cas sat in his office with his case files and pushed his class schedule aside he had an idea he wanted to research, but he also needed to know if Dean was ok. He left so abruptly and Cas was certain he was about to speak but then the phone was an excuse to not. Now he will never know what exactly Dean was thinking. Could Dean see it too? Were all of Cas' secrets starting to creep to the surface would he become predictable and readable and then what? Would Samuel consider it a success if he were to start acting in a predictable manner? Cas did not think he would like that very much there is too much to lose. There is too much of himself; that he is not willing to part with. Why should he have the change who he is? Cas sat with the case files and as Dean continued to fill his mind with endless chatter and not silence he decided he needed to do something about, he could call Samuel for an extra appointment maybe he could help him in regards to these issues. He knew he would not call Charlie she would suggest something highly improbable and cause him to become more flustered. He could always actually attempt talking to Dean, perhaps a written media would be easier for them both. He picked up his phone, opened up the message box, and started to type out his message.

_ ** Dean, are you Ok you left in such a hurry what is wrong? You left so quickly was the call that important do you not require my assistance ** _

_ ** Dean, you should call me later much to discuss. ** _

_ ** Dean you are on my mind and you are quite the distraction ** _

Cas sighed exasperated what was making this impossible to do? Why should he even care what the message says? Why is it so hard to write a simple message.

_ **Hello Dean** _

He hit send and then stared at the message for a few moments shaking his head, what was he thinking how ridiculous is this? He is a grown man Dean is his work partner and the best he could come up with to say is "hello" he groaned and wished for a take back button as he began to type out his next message

_**Just wanted to tell you I am follow**-_…. Mid way though the message Dean replied

_ **Hello Cas** _

Cas paused his message and deleted it and started over again.

** _I have a possible lead to follow, it may assist you in finding the next target location. I would very much like to work through this with you_ **

Cas removed the end and hit send. This was ridiculous, he should not be thinking so hard on correct messages.

** _That is great Cas I am gonna be busy most of today, I have a pointless assignment tonight, but we can do Pie and Coffee tomorrow usual spot ok?_ **

Cas felt his heart both simultaneously skip a beat and sink, and he groaned, this was not how this was supposed to work at all, Dean was his friend his work colleague, nothing more. He sighed as he tugged his fingers into his hair and stared down at the phone with mixed feelings surrounding the message, it was these feelings he needed to reconcile and fast before it got him into trouble.

_ **That sounds perfect Dean, I shall not be at the university campus tomorrow would it be possible for you to pick me up from my home?** _

The conversation was simple it should be easy to reply he should not have a lot of meanings attached to the each message he sends, it is simple just what the words say nothing else, nothing more. He gathers the file together and starts to plot the abduction sites then the body disposal site upon a map hoping this would lead to a correlation that he could work with. This was something more he could focus on that wasn't the overwhelming idea that without Dean he is going to be swamped with other thoughts and feelings. Now Dean was taking up most of his thought space it was even easier to hide behind it all and not let another thing in to bother him. Not only had Cas allowed himself to become attached to that peaceful emptiness that Dean gives him but he has also now allowed Dean to become more than just an empty presence. Dean is the emptiness that fills the void and it was going to take more than this case for Cas to untangle this mess he had allowed himself to become, he had been doing so well with being self-sufficient. But now Dean was fast becoming a consuming presence that could undermined all the hard work Cas had placed into his recovery. But that wasn't what bothered Cas the most, what bothered Cas more than he would like to admit is that he almost welcomes the consuming notion to give over and give in. It has been a long time since he had felt the urges he is experiencing now and he has no illusions all the things he has witnessed recently and the calming presence of his external sanity have all taken its toll upon him. He was starting to drown within himself again and he needed to find the place than anchors him in place and he knew exactly what to do. He set himself up at his desk and started to work on a different project until all his other thoughts had returned to an equal state of equilibrium.

Just as he was ready to push it all behind him his phone alerted him to a new message.

_ **Alright then Cas, it's a date.** _

Cas stared at his phone and groaned he was positive Dean meant that in a platonic sense, actually there was no doubt surrounding that. Cas sent back a simple **_"Ok"_** and then turned and buried himself in is work for a few hours before he resumed sending messages to Dean some about the case others about Pie fillings and something about a BBQ party, and a possible dinner with Deans brother. Then as Cas asked Dean about his choice in pie to cover himself in at this hypothetical dinner the conversation died. Cas checked the time and he knew Dean would be busy with work but his mind did not stop dwelling on the fact that he may have said something inappropriate.

* * *

Dean stood to the entrance of the Broadway Ballroom at the Marriott Marquis on 1535 Broadway, he had just finished going over the security detail for the evening with the event planner and the local PD along with the senator's staff. Dean detested this job and who ever had sent the order down to Bobby to put Dean on this security detail obviously disliked Dean as well. He could not think of a worse way to spend his evening, he felt like and overdressed penguin the middle of a jungle. He had never felt this out of place in his life, and this was making other matters even worse. He and Cas had been texting all day, mostly meaningless junk but also about the case, it seemed that Cas decided to look more into the symbols and found there might actually be a pattern to the way in which he is picking his victims. Of course it was more obscure than anything else Cas had ever said and he knew it would be a hard sell to Bobby, but he will not doubt Cas not after last time. Cas is his partner and he'll back him up even with obscure numerology in reference to the sun's path across the sky and it is not so much a specific person but a specific geographical location including the disposal sites.

Dean was stood with his back to the wall, the worst part about working at these events aside from the lack of potential ass, is the fact that it is a dry event for him, not a single beer. The fact that he could murder for one, is almost ironic he tries to hide his smug smile as he thinks about it and wonders how many of these would end up on his table, if he searched into them enough. Maybe, this is the game; he can play to pass the time. With no beer and conversation dull, it makes sense he plays top10 best table candidates. Dean was almost so busy surveying the area for those who he would like to have upon the table, he did not notice when Jody came up beside him. He only noticed as he felt something grip his elbow he was about the yell to not touch as he looked to his side and caught sight of Jody and ended up smiling at her instead.

"Well Sherriff Mills I certainly didn't expect to see you here you look beautiful." He offers her a charming smile and looks around, "Are you here alone? What douche would bring you to a place like this?" He questions as he quickly glances around again to ensure everything is running as smoothly as it should

"It isn't my usual idea of a date but I have never been to a gala like this before, who was I to pass up the opportunity to come here" Jody smiled at Dean and then followed his gaze out to the crowd, "Are you here working alone where's your partner Dean? Is that who you are watching?"

Dean glanced to her puzzled and shakes his head "God no, I'd not put Cas through this, he…. He wouldn't fit in here, hold on one moment Jody, what do you mean date? What schmuck thought you'd wish to come here with him?" Dean asks and pauses as he sees Special Agent in charge Singer; walk up behind her and he curses under his breath 'Fuck'. Suddenly him being here made more sense.

"I heard that boy" Bobby glared at Dean but his eyes still were edged in the softness that he has always had for Dean. "I feel assured you are doing an excelling job here tonight SSA (Supervisory Special Agent) Winchester"

"Yes Sir" Dean replied with a curt nod and kept his eyes fixed upon the crowd as he waited for the next thing to happen, perhaps hell would open up and swallow him whole. Today has been a weird day.

"You keep your mind focused on your task here and next time I won't order you to work, maybe you and that partner of yours can come along to the next one and just be on hand should anything arise?" Bobby smiles and to Dean it looked strange to see him so relaxed and dare he say happy? Dean watches as Bobby hands Jody her drink and give them both a bemused smile.

"I am not sure Cas would want to come along sir, but anywhere you require I shall ensure I am at hand" Dean added and kept his smile fixed upon his face, it was nice to see his uncle Bobby looking less formal and more relaxed. "I am pretty sure that boy would go anywhere you asked him too Dean, and I will not accept no for an answer next time either." Bobby nodded. Dean's eyes glanced around the room and spotted someone lurking somewhat suspiciously in the corner at least that is the excuse his mind is willing to accept as he excused himself from Bobby and Jody and walked across the floor dodging people dancing and those talking in groups as he made his way to the corner. How would he explain the reason he could not bring Cas is because they already flirt closely with the not fraternization policy the FBI has. And bringing Cas on an actual date where people would see them, it's hardly his idea of keeping something low key, Dean rolled his eyes, why was he even thinking like this? Were people deliberately testing his nerve to keep his relationship with Cas as a professional one? He walked into the corner and sighed as he spots who is stood there. "Well if it isn't my favorite agent burly iron man, where is that lost puppy of yours Dean?" Crowley quipped as he looked around Dean, "is he not hot on your heels today?" "What are you doing here Crowley? Do you not have bodies that require your attention?" Dean grunted at him and shook his head, "Cas is not a damn puppy!" he almost spat at him and clamped his mouth shut his jaw flexing.

"Lying to yourself again Winchester? You know it's a sin to lie to yourself, but then you'd know all about that wouldn't you solider boy" Crowley smirked as his hand rested upon Deans shoulder.

Dean shrugged out of Crowley's grip and just stared at him. "It is none of your damn business what I do Crowley, why are you even here?"

"My family has made a large donation to the senator, I have come to ensure he is worthy of our donation and that he follows his terms." Crowley shrugged.

"You know you and your family should stay out of politics, stick to the dead Crowley you can do less harm there" Dean rolled his eyes."you just behave yourself as I will not think twice about how happy it would make me to escort you out of this building."

"Now, now Winchester, I have the senators blessing to be here, so consider me to have diplomatic immunity you cannot touch me Winchester" Crowley smiled and Dean surmised he was far too happy about that comment. And it left him with a heavy uncomfortable feeling within his stomach, but that was just Crowley he always had that effect on Dean, since the day they met Dean had felt a certain derision towards him.

"If that is how you view yourself then, you are best sticking to the shadows, it suits you more" Dean stated and turns away from him and walks back through the crowd. Looking through everyone using all he had learned when a sniper to watch peoples body language.

It was easy to tell if someone was planning something, you watch enough people through a scope and you learn a thing or two. It became second nature to him in the end, he knew if a person was about to set off a bomb or if they were getting ready to pull the trigger, he just had that instinct in him now. Years of training and gut intuition, he had become an excellent judge of intentions. Crowley was nothing more than a parasite sent here by his family as a show of face. He would never be a threat but he had to check out everyone who looked even remotely suspicious for his own sanity, it gave him something to do. He watched the goings on around the ballroom and tuned out the sounds and watched body language instead, it was better than anything else he had to work with. He soon grew bored he had assessed every guest and had ascertained none of them were a threat and the few he'd thought about using for his table were far too high profile for him to think about right now, not with his friend playing games with him. Friend? Was he really going to consider this guy a friend? Can he refer to someone who is stalking him breaking into his house and leaving items behind as a friend?

Well if Dean were honest this person was one of the few people he knows the real him and is still talking to him, perhaps this is a kindred spirit after all and they could be friends, he wanted to know if this guy had any work to showcase? Dean shook his head. No, this guy belongs on is table not at his dinner table. He watched the crowd again and wished the time not to drag so slowly he still had an hour left at this function and then he could head home and relax, maybe go out? He may need too, he was feeling that itch under his skin, the one that needed a way to be quenched, and it called for blood he was even ready to forgo his holding process, which is rare but happens from time to time. Sometimes the need to free souls from this wretched existence and end their pointless stain upon this world over powers his usual safe guards. But what if his stalker had something new planned for him tonight? The thought of returning home to something sent a shrill of excitement and dread through him. Now all he could do as wait out the hour until home time.


	10. As the heart goes part two

Chapter 10: Like the heart goes Part Two

Summary:

It's been a long time coming but sometimes circumstances present themselves that are impossible to ignore.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes)

It had been one of the longest evening in Dean's life and he could not wait to get home, the traffic had been most clear on his way home and he made good time less than a hour. When Dean finally pulled up in front of his place he pauses as he notices someone on his front stoop and instinctively reaches for his gun. He watches a figure by his door, he cannot work out who it is as it is dark on the stoop. He slides out the car, and locks her quietly and almost laughs to himself about how useless this person is to have not heard his baby's engine rolling down the street. But with the other passing traffic he supposes it is easy to tune it all out if you are not hearing out for it. He places his hand on his gun, ready to pull it from his holster as soon as he gets a better look at the perp at his door. He steps closer slowly as he glances up and stops in his tracks his face twisting in confusion as he walks up the stoop to the figure that is practically hunched over towards the floor.

"What are you doing here?" Dean demands

The figure straightens up and jumps round clutching a 6 pack of beer and some bag to his chest. "DEAN!" Cas sighs evidently relieved.

"Cas, what are you doing here so late at night and would you please explain what you were doing?" Dean asks as his arms fold across his chest he had, had a long day he did not want to be troubled with more work right now, and as much as it's nice to see Cas, he doesn't want to do work right now and one moment, is he holding beer? And what's the other bag?

"I was searching for a key to let myself in Dean, you have been ignoring my calls and you did not respond to the messages I sent you, I was worried I had upset you so I came baring pie and beer, to make amends as you taught me I should." Cas explains holding out the beer towards Dean, and holding up the bag with some boxes in it.

"Cas you idiot, I told you I was busy working today, I have been at a dumb gala fundraising event all night." He shakes his head and steps around Cas and opens his door and he is tempted to walk in and shut the door on Cas he really doesn't want to talk work right now. And worst still what if someone had left something behind in his house? How would he explain it to Cas? He really doesn't know what to do, after all how can he send Cas away after that look in his eyes this morning. He steps into his home and stops turning back to Cas, "Why are you here and not just ringing me until I answer?"

Cas pauses and glances at Dean feeling a little put on the spot he did not know how to explain what had drawn him over just that he felt like he had to be here. "I came with beer and pie to hang out Dean, as we had discussed before."

Dean eyed him sceptically. "No work?" He challenges.

Cas shakes his head. "I am not here about work I came here because I was concerned for my friend, should I just leave?"

Dean almost says yes but he shakes his head no far too quickly "Just come inside Cas, we'll have this beer and that pie, no point wasting it as you brought it all the way over here" Dean steps aside to let Cas in, his mind racing to thoughts he hadn't yet thought of. But he knew his plan to spend the night searching for the something he had been missing was now off the table because Cas had decided to become a social caller all of a sudden, Dean walked through his home slipping out of his shoes and shrugging off his jacket as he lead Cas through the house.

Cas looked around and shut the door behind him slipping of his shoes and jacket as Dean does, he walks through the dining room behind Dean noting the books and smiling "this place is wonderful Dean." Cas smiled and walked into the kitchen his eyes now on Dean as he watched him move around the kitchen wondering what he is getting.

Dean pulls some plates out and sets them on the work surface, he runs his hand along the black marble top turning his gaze to Cas as he tries to root himself into staying right here. "So what pie did you bring Cas?"

Cas places the bag upon the side and turns until his gaze falls on the fridge and he walks over placing the beers in the fridge and takes out two cold ones then walks back to Deans side. "I was uncertain of what you wished for so there is Apple, Cherry and Peach…."

"You brought three pies with you?" Dean chuckled and pulls the boxes out the bag setting them down opening them up taking a smell of each his stomach groaning as the scent hits him and he remembers he hasn't eaten since before lunch. "You didn't need to bring three pies Cas" Dean grins.

"And your smile assures me had I turned up with only one you would have been disappointed." Cas smiles and holds up a beer "Where is the bottle opener Dean?" He asks as he moves around him and starts opening up draws.

Dean knows his insides should be twisting he should be concerned because Cas is acting far too familiar in his home and he could find something, who knows what his so called stalker friend WB has left around the house to be found. However, maybe this is Cas when he has been told to let loose and live a little more open and relaxed and who was he to try to squash that, it was what he wanted for Cas to relax more. Dean laughs a little and points to the one beside he is currently pulling open. "Open that one, it's in there" he smiles as he grabs a knife and cuts out a large slice of apple and peach closing the cherry box for later. He cuts Cas two slices too and then grabs two forks setting them on the plates as he shuts the other boxes and then places all three in the fridge to keep until later. "Come on Cas, hurry up before I decide you can take your pie to go," He winks at Cas,

Cas stares over at Dean and holds up the bottle opener "I got it, so be patient Dean, I am opening your beer for you now." Cas nods and flips the lids off and carries them into the dining room he was about the set the beers down as Dean muttered from the door.

"Cas I been at work all day, living room, where I can relax and enjoy this slice of pie in comfort"

"Two slices, two mammoth slices" Cas corrected him,

"Don't be such a wise ass…. Cas how did you get here tonight?" Dean asks as he walks through to the front room and settling onto the couch placing Cas' plate on the coffee table.

"Well… I came by taxi if you must know" Cas shrugged, and then placed the beers on the coasters on the table before taking a seat next to Dean.

"Dude there are chairs and you basically sit on top of me?" Dean huffs as he stretches out and leans back bringing his plate up to under his chin.

"Dean you could fit the titanic between us, I am not sat upon you or even close to you, this couch looked the most comfortable" Cas propositioned his point and shrugged grabbing his beer and drinking down large smooth gulps. Dean didn't need to know that it took him several beers to call for the taxi, and further couple to get into the taxi, however the 40 minuet journey across town had been quite a sobering ride. However now within the warm confines of this home, the alcohol effects are still evidently present making Cas question his judgment to be so open. But he knew the alcohol had nothing to do with that, he had already decided if he came here he was not hiding behind his insecurities, he was here as Dean's friend. Cas smiled as he shuffled back to get into a comfy spot tucking his legs up under him as he pulled the plate up to him and started to taste the pie grinning as he did so. The moans that slipped from his lips were neither intentional or under his total control; and he was certain that had not escaped Deans attention judging by the way he was looking at him.

"Cas, titanic or not between us, it is no way near safe for you to even contemplate making those noises around pie, people will talk" Dean grinned and scooped mouthful after mouthful into his mouth trying to saviour each bite but he was too hungry.

"Coming from you Dean that seems not so much a threat as a challenge" Cas grinned and continued eating his pie except now he was flushing slightly as he tried to control his noises a little better.

Dean stared over at Cas and tried to put his finger on what was so different about this Cas from the one in the bar the other night, or even the one in the coffee house this morning? There was something fundamentally different about his whole demeanour now and it was intriguing he had never seen Cas so relaxed before. And he decided he liked it, this version of his friend was far more laid back than usual uptight Cas. "maybe it is a challenge, then what are you going to do Cas?"

Cas stared over at Dean, his blustering confidence that was with him only moments before was seeping away from him fast, he felt assured before that he knew what he was doing, but now, right now he was losing ground on how sure he was all of this, he knew what he was doing here he knew what he needed. But now faced with it, his mind started to betray him, he looked over at Dean and kept his eyes fixed on his as he slowly ate another bite of pie. It was a strange sensation, the warm cinnamon taste on his tongue reminding him of warm nights curled up by the fire in winter, filling him with a sense of happiness and the taste was delicious as it burst across his tongue in such a way that it was like a parade across his senses. Then there were Deans eyes, the gaze that held him in place, he knew he was making the same pleased noises as before. His skin heating flushing his neck and cheeks red certain his chest was flushed too, but Deans eyes offered the solace he was craving. Those green tinted orbs held all the answers Cas wanted answering. He was certain in that moment he would do anything to keep this solace, whatever it takes to keep this, what ever it is that is here. He doesn't want to feel, except he does, he wants to feel only what Dean gets him to feel. But that is ranging through so many possibilities right now.

Dean stared at him shaking his head, "what have you done with my Cas?" he almost demanded but there was a smile and cheeky tone to his voice that assured Cas everything was ok he was just being different, and Dean was letting him know that he had noticed it. Dean was smiling, it was strange to see Cas like this, but how could he possibly sit there and tell him to go back to the shy reserved man who never spoke.

"Your Cas huh? Wasn't aware you owned one." Cas laughs slightly as he put his plate down and picked up his beer and added "'that' Cas is somewhere behind 7 of these" he nods and leans back into the couch.

"You know what I mean Cas… and wait what? That is your first beer isn't it?" Dean dropped his head and leaned in closer to Cas trying to tell.

"Well you know Dean, I needed a little assistance in coming over here" He admits flatly leaning towards Dean, his eyes focused despite the alcohol. It had been many hours since his first one and he was more sober than he wanted to admit too, but there was something freeing in blaming these actions and his lack of candour on alcohol consumption.

"You didn't… and yet you obviously did." He pauses "what I mean is, you didn't need to drink to come over you should have just come over Cas"

Cas leaned over and whispered "Must you always be so bossy Dean? Just eat your pie will you" Cas grinned and leaned back against the couch

Dean shook his head and then continued to eat his pie they turned the tv on and Dean couldn't help glancing across at Cas who no matter how late it got made no attempt to say he was leaving or going anywhere. Dean couldn't work out why he was here, there was obviously something he wanted and Dean didn't know what was on Cas' mind or how to read it. They sat through some old classics and he was surprised as Cas pretty much demanded they leave the original Godzilla on when they came across it, and was laughing at most of it.

Cas sat watching the TV his eyes every now and then glancing from the TV to Dean, he had no idea what to say or do now, sure they were talking about the movie and the usual small chit chat. But Cas didn't know how to explain to Dean why he was still at his house five hours and three movies later. The pie had gone and beers hardly touched. Cas twisted his body a little and stifled a yawn grateful he had no classes to teach tomorrow. He had the next two days off of campus work anyway. Eventually Cas realized he needed to either ask to stay or ask to call for a taxi home, he sat himself forwards on the edge of the couch and turned his attention to Dean, he paused as he licked over his lip and his eyes fell upon Dean who was for once staring at him expectantly. "Dean…" He started and stopped why was this so difficult, mostly because he didn't know what he wanted to ask for, or he knew but he didn't know how to explain it without sounding like he was becoming an over needy work colleague.

"Yes Cas?" Dean stared at Cas and waited, it had only took him almost six hours to finally get to asking for something and Dean wasn't about to fuck it up by talking over it.

"May I… urgh," Cas paused because another option suddenly flashed into his mind, thoughts of what Charlie had said and Dean's behaviour and their innocent touches suddenly sparked something within Cas, and well fuck, now what was he supposed to do? How would Dean react to this? He shouldn't be thinking such things, but just because he has mental health problems doesn't mean he doesn't know his own mind, he knows exactly what he is thinking and he knows exactly what this is. Dean is his equal he challenges Cas to think and then he has the ability to make it possible to escape when it gets all too much. And now here he was with the ability to ask for something.

Dean waved his hand in front of Cas' face the expression reminiscent of that time he got up and bolted away from him, sighing because he wasn't going to let that happen this time whatever is going on up there this time Dean was certain he was going to help Cas outta it. He placed his hands on Cas shoulders and shifted himself closer to Cas frowning as he tried to slowly shake him out of his thoughts. "Come on Cas, talk to me man, I know you are in there and I am not letting you get lost in there on your own again."

Cas became vaguely aware of Dean, shaking him. His eyes flicked up and he spotted the way Dean was looking at him, Deans words shaking through him rattling around inside his skull over and over again. Dean didn't want him to get lost within himself again, and he wanted to help him, it was as much as Cas could take, this wasn't new information to him but the sincerity in his voice and the look in his eyes spoke volumes more than the words actually did. "I am ok Dean, I apologise if I have caused you any alarm" Cas frowned and looked away now as the reality of his fantasy being nothing more than that came crashing down around him and he was struck with the notion to run, he didn't even care where he got to, he just needed to go. To be gone, because he was foolish to allow himself to become so comfortable, this was not his place to be comfortable.

Dean sighed he saw the shift happen before him but he was not going to let that happen again, he had the Cas here in his house he could and would help him. He didn't want Cas running off to his smarmy cousin, he would rather offer Cas a room here for the night if he didn't want to talk right now and he'd talk to him tomorrow. He reached out and placed his hand on Cas shoulder as squeezed it "Hey, Cas. Look at me. You have nothing to apologise for, do you need to talk about what's on your mind?" Dean paused and waited for Cas to look at him.

Cas leant into Dean's touch on his shoulder it was a welcoming warmth from the cold doubt he was feeling it was such a strange sensation. He used to turn to Dean and see him as his cold dark out from the world and now here he is sitting before him feeling as though Dean is the only source of warmth he could ever trust to keep him from the cold uncertainty of his thoughts. He looked away from Dean again, he couldn't keep his gaze on Dean's green caring eyes they held too much warmth within them right now, he couldn't work out who changed, had he changed or was Dean a different person right now? Where's the cold unerring darkness that was so welcoming before? Why is that dark place now full of warmth? Cas worried at his bottom lip and sighed softly shaking his head no he really didn't want to talk about it. "No Dean I do not want to talk about it" … but I do not want to go home either he thinks as he fixes his gaze to the almost empty bottle of beer on the table, but he doesn't know how to ask to stay or if he even should maybe Dean wants him to go.

Dean sighed as he placed his hand under Cas' chin crossing into Cas' personal space, he knew he was taking a risk here but he felt like he needed Cas to open up an trust him, to share whatever is on his mind with him. "Cas come on buddy, I am gonna need you, so don't shut me out ok?" Dean speaks softly, he'd had a few crash course tips from Sam on how to deal with Cas and he knew eye contact was a big thing if he could get Cas to look him in the eye he knew he could get him to open up. Cas was just a puppy like that. However what he hadn't counted on? How blue those damn eyes were when he was only inches away from him. The moment Cas' eyes flick up to meet his, Dean thinks maybe he forgot how to breathe and he just kinda sits there and stares as if Cas now had all the answers he was looking for and that was strange. Dean was used to being in control to knowing what he wants and how to get it. It is how he liked his life and sure Cas was different he hardly fit into his usual realm of control but Dean had presumed he was doing a good job and leading Cas along his path and getting the results he wanted. So why when he was sat actually soul staring into these eyes everything he thought was in place and made sense was faltering as though he hadn't controlled Cas ever, Cas was something no one could ever truly control it was just a hop along for the ride.

Cas' gaze met Deans and he let out a slight sigh, Deans words were effecting him and he did not wish to admit that, not to himself and certainly not to Dean. Was Dean even aware of what he was doing to him? Cas felt his skin warm under the pressure that Deans finger pads placed upon his jaw, Cas could not stop his gaze dropping between Deans lips and back to his eyes. How was Cas supposed to respond to this, this was an intimate touch was is not? He was sure this, was one of those touches he has heard others speak of; a gentle caress of skin under his chin, and this soul stare that he was not sure who initiated. Sure Dean made him look to him, but Dean did not force him to sit here and gaze into those eyes; that appeared to have differing shades of green flickering across them in the low light of this room, they held more questions now. He could see how desperately Dean was trying to draw Cas out of himself, he wanted him to open up, but how could he do that? How could he explain everything to Dean? Dean would never believe most of it, or he would believe all of it and demand he leave. He began to realize he had been sat there too long, too silent. But Dean appeared to be patiently waiting for something and Cas didn't know what would be the best course of action here, should he speak some half-truth and make excuses and leave, or should be react to this scene before him. But what if he was misreading this whole situation, then everything would be ruined and he would have no friendship to turn to when he needs solace from the unending barrage of the outside world. "I do not understand what you wish from me Dean."

"I want you to talk to me Cas" Deans grip tightened on Cas jaw, he didn't want Cas pulling away from him, not when he was certain he was close to Cas letting him in.

"There is nothing to talk about Dean" Cas reaffirms and glances away from Dean. Trying to refrain from blurting out anything inappropriate, Deans grip grew tighter and the emptiness that was once there was now filled with a vibrancy Cas could not understand, he did not understand what Dean was expecting to come from this situation.

"Bullshit Cas" Dean almost growled at him, his soft approach not working and as much as he didn't want Cas to shut him out he was running out of ideas on how to get him to open up. "You think I don't see you, well I do. And guess what? I am your partner, we have been through this a million times now. You just need to talk to me." Dean almost gritted out, his tone had changed he was feeling the effects of his day stirring within him, flashes of Cas being the one to end his unerring itch should have made him flinch but it made him lean in closer whispering though a clenched jaw. "Tell me where you went to, I saw you, you weren't here anymore, where were you?"

"I was here, with you. You are so blinded with your own need to solve me as the puzzle you think I am that you cannot even see what is right in front of you." Cas snapped, he recoiled at himself, he did not mean to spit those words so harshly at Dean. His eyes flew open wide as he pulled himself back from Deans grip and quickly got to his feet. "I am sorry Dean, I did not mean, My apologies I should not have, you are only trying to help me" Cas turned towards the door rambling now, " I should leave."

Dean sat in shock for a moment, he didn't expect Cas to sound so venomous when he spoke, the mild mannered professor was far from sight yet reappeared almost simultaneously, he almost didn't recognise the look in Cas' eyes for that spilt second and yet he knew it all too well. He jumped to his feet and grabbed Cas' elbow stopping him from leaving. "You are not leaving, you are going to sit down and explain yourself Cas" Dean yanked on his arm and turned him back to him once again his eyes locked on to Cas' but this time Cas' eyes were much darker than before.

Cas let out a sharp exhale as he glared at Dean, how could such an intuitive man be so stupid. Cas shook his head and his eyes narrowed. "There is nothing to explain to you Agent Winchester" Cas growled, and he saw the look in Deans eye, a flash of hurt that he covered over quickly with a look of anger. Cas needed to do this he needed to distance himself right now because he was too close, too close to falling into the abyss he craves. It is right here in front of him and he is struggling against the tide. He wants to loose himself and not feel anything. If Dean knew that is how he felt then he would not be welcome here any longer he was certain of it.

"Agent?" Dean almost spat the word but his jaw still clenched tight made it so he did not. "If that is how you truly feel Professor Novak, why the fuck did you show up on my door with beer and pie?" Dean broadened his stance, his rage was simmering under his surface, if he threw Cas out now he would have a few hours to go and indulge his ever growing needs and desires. "You are full of such bullshit Cas!"

Cas stared mouth agape at Dean, he hadn't expected that response, but what other response should he expect? "Obviously it was a bad decision to come here." Cas muttered his gaze falling away from Dean.

"You think? You know what Cas, everything you do is fucking calculated to precision so don't give me that, you wanted to come here. Who are you trying to deceive here? Yourself?" Dean growled as he tightened his grip on Cas' elbow forcing him to acknowledge him.

Cas flicked his gaze back to Dean and glared at him. "Let me go Dean, I am going to leave."

"That's right Cas, you take off and fucking run, you know considering you are so good at reading people why don't you fucking read me!" Dean refuses to let go of Cas he wanted Cas to stay and face this not run away. Even though he was putting himself out there he was certain Cas wouldn't see anything he shouldn't, or maybe he has and that's where he is going to go. To go and report his findings, well fuck that. No Cas would stay and talk this out, one way or another Cas was staying willingly or not.

"You have no idea what you are talking about Dean. You believe I am doing this because I enjoy this? I have to leave. I have no choice." Cas spoke he felt his rage waning, but he still needed to leave he could not stay here he needed away from Dean, he could not allow himself to settle into the abyss so easily it would prove more than difficult to pull himself back out if he fell in now.

"I don't know what I'm talking about? 'Course not! You shut me out, I thought we are friends Cas, but you just fucking run away like a coward instead of facing this like a man" Dean glowered his shoulders rolling back chest expanding as he tries to keep control. Cas for some reason was pushing on all his buttons and Dean was one snarky remark from taking Cas and forcing him into his damn hidey hole and ruining everything. Dean needed to get a grip, this day had been too much on him, he should throw Cas out. But No, Dean Winchester did not give up on family, well shit when did Cas jump from work acquaintance to friend to family? This really had been a long fucking day.

"There is nothing here to face Dean! I am not a coward, you will never understand how any of this works" Cas bites back shaking his head, he doesn't know how to explain this to Dean, how can he make Dean understand this isn't about shutting him out, he just wants to leave before mistakes are made here.

"You know what Cas, all that I hear outta your mouth is fucking self-denial bull shit, so pack that shit up and get a damn grip!" Dean hisses and glares at Cas his hands now gripping both of Cas' biceps squeezing tightly needing Cas to look at him. He needed to see what was going on inside that head of his. Dean felt so angry at this situation, at Cas, how could Cas be treating him like this now? He should show Cas who he truly is, maybe then Cas would think twice about trying to walk out.

Cas stared at Dean the added danger behind his eyes made it impossible for Cas to shake it off, he had never seen Dean express himself in this way before. Cas wanted to curl up inside this and stay with it. This anger, the danger it would be a shield from everything else, Cas stopped thinking of ifs, buts, maybes and why, he just shrugged out of Deans grip and stepped forwards and simultaneously reached and grabbed his shoulders gripping on to Dean tight as he crushed his lips to him. It was hasty and uncoordinated.

It quickly dissolved into a clash of teeth and tongue, much to Cas surprise Dean's hand flew up and instantly pressed into the back of Cas head, his short nails dug into scalp as he gripped on to the short hair at the back of Cas head. They worked through unspoken arduous words in the kiss, what started out as a harsh, tooth clashing brutal kiss, that Cas was certain was bruising his lips slowed into something else, his tongue slid against Deans and welcomed Dean into his mouth. He was more than aware of the noises he was making this time, it put the sounds he made around the pie to shame. He found it hard to care because for once he wasn't feeling, he was falling into his abyss of freedom his fingers dug into Deans shoulders and eventually they stopped kissing parting to breathe. Cas panted with a slight smirk starting to curl at the edges of his lips. "Still believe I am full of bullshit Dean?" It was freeing for Cas now, he had welcomed that feeling, stepped into it and his freedom was now right there for him. He did not need to feel concerned about reactions or feeling too much because right here he didn't have to feel anything but Dean, he had his abyss, his escape that was better than any meditation technique he could ever use.

"Shut up Cas" Dean rolled his eyes and tugged hard at the hair on the back of Cas head, then he used the same grip to push Cas' head back to his, his lips meeting Cas' now biting at his bottom lip as pulled on it Dean sucked slightly before letting go. "Still think it's bullshit that it took you this long to admit you wanted this."

"Not admitting to anything Dean" Cas shrugged as he pushed Dean back towards the couch.

Dean smirked as he drew Cas back down on to the couch muttering as he kissed him again, "You will Cas…"

Notes:

The next chapter will pick up from this one and will contain sexual content and it isn't all plain sailing from here on out, this is just a spark of a light in a dark that is looming in the coming chapters.


End file.
